(NaturalNews) Jake Eagle, co-founder of Green Psychology, identifies three keys to finding and keeping a healthy romantic relationship. Supportive and fulfilling primary relationships are commonly accepted as an important aspect of overall health. Jake's ideas about how to approach relationships are not so common.
According to Jake, finding and keeping a healthy relationship partner requires three basics:
• Intolerance • Being the kind of person you want to attract • Showing up fully and not holding yourself back
Intolerance is the first key
Yes, intolerance! Think of it like this, there are three stages to romantic relationships: dating, relating, and mating (mating being the equivalent of marriage). During the first stage -- dating -- you want to be intolerant of things that don't work for you. This doesn't mean you need to be rude or disrespectful, just firm. If your date picks you up late and that really doesn't work for you, let him know. If he does it again, tell him that if it happens one more time he's out. Apply the three strikes and you're out rule.
What a lot of people do very early on in relationships is negotiate about everything, trying to compromise. These efforts may be appropriate once you get to the relating stage, but they are not appropriate in the dating stage. The dating stage should be easy. It's a time to have fun, explore how your rhythms sync up, and figure out if you've got good chemistry, which can be pretty well determined from first base.
The second key to attracting a good partner
Be the person you want to attract. If you say you want a partner who is mature, reliable, financially stable, and able to communicate well -- you need to be that person. Relationships work best when like attracts like. If you find someone to compensate for your limitations, it's too easy to become dependent on that person. More often than not this leads to problems.
The third key
Show yourself. Don't hold back, only putting forth your best self. This is a flawed strategy -- waiting until you are invested in the relationship before telling your partner any "bad news" about you or your life.
A woman recently asked her male partner "Are you in love with me?" The man made himself nervous with the question. Out of fear that she would disapprove of his answer, he sidestepped her question, leaving it unanswered. He missed an opportunity to show up, justifying his actions as a way to "avoid conflict and hurt feelings." But by not showing up, he missed the chance to clarify their relationship, which from a Green Psychology point of view would have been the kind and respectful thing to do. It doesn't matter what the answer is. Showing up and being honest allows us to see what's obvious. When people don't show up, or they aren't honest, the relationship drifts into the territory of fantasy. This results in misunderstanding, power struggles, resentment, and a lack of true intimacy.
You may find this formula challenging, but it works. If it feels difficult, that's just because it's unfamiliar. Although this approach may feel difficult at first, if you do this -- living, partnering, and relating will become much easier.
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