(NaturalNews) By now, the whole internet knows that Kellogg's is under harsh scrutiny for making ridiculous "immunity" claims for their sugary
Cocoa Krispies cereal.
But did you know the real reason why the FDA continues to allow this laughable medical claim on the front of Cocoa Krispies boxes? Below, I explain the
top ten reasons why this labeling hilarity is tolerated by the FDA.
#1) Because nutritional health claims carry more scientific weight when they're introduced by
magical singing elves.
#2) The Food and Drug Administration only covers FOOD and DRUGS. Cocoa Krispies, being made from processed, nutritionally-depleted rice starch and
sugar (and more sugar), doesn't qualify as either.
#3) All
the FDA enforcers are high on Lucky Charms. (And those diamonds in the sky aren't just from the cereal...)
#4) Speaking of mind-bending drugs, when
Kellogg's explained to the
FDA that the cereal's cartoon characters were
Snap, Crackle and Pop, the FDA thought they said
Smack, Crack and Pot -- and under new Justice Department rules, that's all fine and dandy.
#5) Because
high-fructose corn syrup is a "Smart Choice" for fast-growing little boys and girls. We should put it in more foods! (If we could only find any foods that don't already have it...)
#6) Sugar, more sugar, high-fructose
corn syrup, artificial flavoring and partially-hydrogenated vegetable oil sounds like the perfect recipe for boosting America's economy by creating a million new jobs in the "diabetes sector."
#7) Because surveys prove that parents would like to get more of their
health information from
imaginary cartoon characters rather than health websites.
#8) Because spray-on vitamins work like spray-on tans: They look good on the surface, but they don't work when you really need them.
#9) Because there's a free vial of H1N1
vaccine hidden in every cereal box (along with a kids' injection needle so they can self-medicate to boost immune function right at home!).
#10) Because the FDA already knows the swine flu vaccine doesn't really work, and they need all the help they can get to boost children's
immunity using any means necessary... including refined white sugar!
Bizarre (but true) facts about Rice Krispies
If you're wondering why I've included all the references to recreational
drugs here, you may not yet be aware of the
1933 radio ad promoting Rice Krispies, which featured a dreamy voice saying the following:
"Listen to the fairy song of health, the merry chorus sung by Kellogg's Rice Krispies as they merrily snap, crackle, and pop in a bowl of milk. If you've never heard food talking, now is your chance."How HIGH do you have to be to come up with this stuff, anyway? Listen to the fairy song of health? Listen to your food TALKING? Do Rice Krispies include a free "prize" of LSD or something?
And what's with the Rice Krispy character roles? Snap is portrayed as a chef. Crackle wears a red-and-white striped stocking cap. Pop wears the hat of a marching band leader. Are these elves cross-dressers? Has anybody else wondered why Kellogg's didn't just throw in
The Village People too? (Grin)
Snap, Crackle and Pop aren't the only elves exploited to promote Rice Krispies, by the way. There was a fourth elf:
Pow. Pow was supposed to represent the
nutritional explosiveness of the Rice Krispies cereal, but -- get this -- he was
discontinued by Kellogg's. I guess the
nutrition was irrelevant...
Maybe they'll bring back Pow right now to tout the amazing immune-boosting properties of this synthetic vitamin-laced cereal.
In any case, Cocoa Krispies does
taste pretty good, if I remember correctly. It's been a few decades since I've eaten cereal championed by cross-dressing, magical singing elves offering me a "fairy song of health" dreamed up by food company executives high on acid. But I assure you, it still tastes basically the same. That's because the recipe for the cereal's unstoppable success hasn't changed since the 1930's: Puff some
rice, roll it around in liquid sugar, add some artificial coloring and flavoring, then create fun animated characters who imbue the product with a whole new level drug-inspired entertainment for
children.
Because eating Cocoa Krispies isn't just a meal. It's a trip!
Sources for this story include:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snap,_Crackle_and_Pop
About the author: Mike Adams is a natural health researcher, author and award-winning journalist with a mission to teach personal and planetary health to the public He is a prolific writer and has published thousands of articles, interviews, reports and consumer guides, reaching millions of readers with information that is saving lives and improving personal health around the world. Adams is an honest, independent journalist and accepts no money or commissions on the third-party products he writes about or the companies he promotes. In mid 2010, Adams produced NaturalNews.TV, a natural health video sharing website offering user-generated videos on nutrition, green living, fitness and more. He also founded an environmentally-friendly online retailer called BetterLifeGoods.com that uses retail profits to help support consumer advocacy programs. He's also the CEO of a highly successful email newsletter software company that develops software used to send permission email campaigns to subscribers. Adams also serves as the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a non-profit consumer protection group, and enjoys outdoor activities, nature photography, Pilates and martial arts training. He's also author a large number of health books offered by Truth Publishing and is the creator of numerous reference website including NaturalPedia.com and the free downloadable Honest Food Guide. His websites also include the free reference sites HerbReference.com and HealingFoodReference.com. Adams believes in free speech, free access to nutritional supplements and the innate healing ability of the human body. Known on the 'net as 'the Health Ranger,' Adams shares his ethics, mission statements and personal health statistics at www.HealthRanger.org
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Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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