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Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger: food warnings, stuffing your 'fat ass' with turkey and dealing with substance-addicted relatives (satire)


(NaturalNews) As America celebrates Thanksgiving this year, I've posted four hilarious audio recordings that somehow claim to offer useful information that might help you survive the festivities.

These totally uncensored, offensive, inappropriate and politically incorrect audio podcasts are offered as hilarious satire with my comedy improve character voices including "Grandpa Joe," "Aunt Bessie" and Dave the meth head.

Along with the comedy, I also provide what I hope you'll find to be useful wisdom on Thanksgiving food ingredients to avoid, how to alienate deadbeat family members, and preparedness activities you should probably be pursuing instead of "stuffing your fat ass with turkey."

Laugh, cry or be really, really offended... here's my comedy improve take on Thanksgiving.

(These episodes are brought to you by Ranger Gear, my new line of survival and preparedness gear, available now at the Natural News Store.)

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #1) Top 10 things you should be doing instead of stuffing your fat ass with turkey

Beyond stuffing all our fat asses with turkey, there are all sorts of preparedness activities we should be doing that get us ready for the coming chaos.

In a world where radical leftists (like Obama) are tag-teaming with ISIS to overrun, occupy and destroy western culture, we all need to be prepared for wave after wave of insanity to arrive at our doorstep.

So here are ten things you should be doing this holiday weekend instead of (or in place of) "stuffing your fat ass with turkey." Please be offended...

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #2) Toxic foods and ingredients you should avoid for Thanksgiving

Did you know that store-bought turkey gravy is loaded with MSG?

Did you know that "olive oil" salad dressings are mostly made with genetically modified rapeseed oil?

Were you aware that drinking alcohol and taking Tylenol can permanently destroy your liver?

In this episode, I warn about toxic Thanksgiving foods you should avoid.

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #3) How to deal with your crazy family members

Thanksgiving is a time when many Americans get together with their family members to celebrate paid vacation days. During these get-togethers, you'll encounter the whole spectrum of family members, from informed, aware people to totally insane, brainwashed numbskulls who think they know everything.

Some family members needs your love and compassion, while others just need your cash so they can buy more heroin.

In this episode, I discuss ideas for dealing with the full gamut of family members in a way that prevents you from wasting time on those who are already beyond help... while simultaneously showing love and compassion for those who need your presence.

Thanksgiving with the Health Ranger, episode #4) Things I'm thankful for

This episode is more on the serious side, and I discuss why I'm thankful for the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, and all of America's Founding Fathers who risked their lives to establish the freedoms that we now enjoy.

To demonstrate the power of Freedom of Speech, I make fun of Obama and Hillary Clinton... which isn't difficult to achieve.

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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