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ADHD

Fidolin Drug Approved for Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder: ADHDD (satire)

Monday, March 24, 2008
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: ADHD, Fidolin, psychiatric drugs


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(NaturalNews) Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has received FDA approval for their new drug Fidolin, a psychotropic medication designed to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder (ADHDD). ADHDD is a brain chemistry disorder affecting tens of millions of dogs across America, causing them to be unable to sit still or pay attention. A new promotional video describing the benefits of the Fidolin drug is available now at: https://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html

Phictitious Pharmaceuticals said their new drug, Fodilin, is safe for use on both infants and puppy dogs. It's being marketed with the clever slogan, "Obedience Through Chemistry™" and is expected to be prescribed to tens of millions of dogs and human babies that suffer from ADHDD or ADHD.

Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder include:

• An inability to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds.
• Easily distracted by sights, sounds or smells.
• An inability to sit still.
• Chewing on objects that are not food.
• Scratching, licking, digging and barking, not necessarily in that order.

"Although these symptoms may at first sound like normal canine behaviors," explained Phictitious Pharmaceuticals' CEO Dr. Drew A. Blank, "they are in fact indications of a serious disease that need treatment. Millions of dogs are running the streets today, untreated for their ADHDD. It's time we took care of those animals with proper treatment."

ADHDD screening centers are being set up across the nation, where dog owners can test their animals to see if they suffer from ADHDD. The test consists of a large dry aquarium populated with two paranoid squirrels, three rabies-infected prairie dogs and a psychotic tomcat. The dog is told to sit in front of the aquarium to begin the test, at which point a live gerbil is thrown into the aquarium and the dog's response is measured. If the dog fails to sit still for sixty seconds, he is diagnosed with ADHDD.

We do not yet have video footage of this screening process, as NaturalNews is opposed to the use of animals for such experiments. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals claims the test is "safer than mammography." (Unless, of course, you're the gerbil, in which case it's about as safe as chemotherapy.)

A new ADHDD non-profit group, funded by Phictitious Pharmaceuticals, has also been launched. It's called MWSDDC, or Morons Who Support Drugging Dogs and Children. MWSDDC is forming support groups to, as they explain, "support those who suffer from ADHDD." They've also announced their first annual fundraiser: An ADHDD pink ribbon leg humping marathon that raises money for the treatment of "distracted" dogs by giving reams of tax-free cash to wealthy drug companies who claim to be "searching for the cure." Their future website will be www.HumpForTheCure.org

Educational material for those who don't yet know about ADHDD and Fidolin is now available. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has released a new High-Definition DVD that covers both ADHD and ADHDD. Those interested in the HD DVD can call the company and ask for the ADHD and ADHDD HD DVD. The phone number to call is 1-800-ADH-DADHDD-HDDVD.

The share price of Phictitious Pharmaceuticals spiked $5.60 on today's news, and profits are expected to remain strong through the remainder of the fiscal year. Be sure to watch their promotional video at: https://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html to help support this company's profits so they can have enough money to find the cure for this terrible disease.

(If you enjoyed this parody ad, be sure to visit our world-famous Disease Mongering Engine where you can create your own fictitious diseases in seconds! https://www.naturalnews.com/disease-mongering...

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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