Originally published March 24 2008
Fidolin Drug Approved for Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder: ADHDD (satire)
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor
(NaturalNews) Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has received FDA approval for their new drug Fidolin, a psychotropic medication designed to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder (ADHDD). ADHDD is a brain chemistry disorder affecting tens of millions of dogs across America, causing them to be unable to sit still or pay attention. A new promotional video describing the benefits of the Fidolin drug is available now at: http://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html
Phictitious Pharmaceuticals said their new drug, Fodilin, is safe for use on both infants and puppy dogs. It's being marketed with the clever slogan, "Obedience Through Chemistry™" and is expected to be prescribed to tens of millions of dogs and human babies that suffer from ADHDD or ADHD.
Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder include:
• An inability to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds.
• Easily distracted by sights, sounds or smells.
• An inability to sit still.
• Chewing on objects that are not food.
• Scratching, licking, digging and barking, not necessarily in that order.
"Although these symptoms may at first sound like normal canine behaviors," explained Phictitious Pharmaceuticals' CEO Dr. Drew A. Blank, "they are in fact indications of a serious disease that need treatment. Millions of dogs are running the streets today, untreated for their ADHDD. It's time we took care of those animals with proper treatment."
ADHDD screening centers are being set up across the nation, where dog owners can test their animals to see if they suffer from ADHDD. The test consists of a large dry aquarium populated with two paranoid squirrels, three rabies-infected prairie dogs and a psychotic tomcat. The dog is told to sit in front of the aquarium to begin the test, at which point a live gerbil is thrown into the aquarium and the dog's response is measured. If the dog fails to sit still for sixty seconds, he is diagnosed with ADHDD.
We do not yet have video footage of this screening process, as NaturalNews is opposed to the use of animals for such experiments. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals claims the test is "safer than mammography." (Unless, of course, you're the gerbil, in which case it's about as safe as chemotherapy.)
A new ADHDD non-profit group, funded by Phictitious Pharmaceuticals, has also been launched. It's called MWSDDC, or Morons Who Support Drugging Dogs and Children. MWSDDC is forming support groups to, as they explain, "support those who suffer from ADHDD." They've also announced their first annual fundraiser: An ADHDD pink ribbon leg humping marathon that raises money for the treatment of "distracted" dogs by giving reams of tax-free cash to wealthy drug companies who claim to be "searching for the cure." Their future website will be www.HumpForTheCure.org
Educational material for those who don't yet know about ADHDD and Fidolin is now available. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has released a new High-Definition DVD that covers both ADHD and ADHDD. Those interested in the HD DVD can call the company and ask for the ADHD and ADHDD HD DVD. The phone number to call is 1-800-ADH-DADHDD-HDDVD.
The share price of Phictitious Pharmaceuticals spiked $5.60 on today's news, and profits are expected to remain strong through the remainder of the fiscal year. Be sure to watch their promotional video at: http://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html to help support this company's profits so they can have enough money to find the cure for this terrible disease.
(If you enjoyed this parody ad, be sure to visit our world-famous Disease Mongering Engine where you can create your own fictitious diseases in seconds! http://www.naturalnews.com/disease-mongering...
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