meat

DNA tests conducted in aftermath of horse meat scare reveal Burger King has been serving ground-up aliens as Whoppers (satire)

Sunday, February 03, 2013
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: Burger King, horse meat, alien DNA

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(NaturalNews) If you've been eating at Burger King recently, you've been snarfing down ground-up alien flesh. That's the result of a new DNA test that Burger King ordered after its recent horse meat scare in which one of its food processors admitted using horse flesh alongside beef.

What Burger King didn't expect to find was all the other DNA in its burger meat. DNA tests showed meat derived from flesh containing 56 chromosomes. Humans only have 23 pairs of chromosomes, or 46 total.

"We were duped," admits Steve Grinder of Anything Goes Food Industries, Inc. which supplies Burger King with its ready-made meat-like product. "We were told the meat was derived from illegal aliens, and we thought that meant clever people smuggled it over the border. We did not realize it was literally harvested from extraterrestrial beings."

Scientists study Whoppers in search of alien life forms

U.S. scientists have now flocked to Burger King stores to study the meat with DNA analyzers. "This could be the greatest discovery in the history of medical science," said Joyce Jeepers as she swallowed some fries. "If we could genetically modify humans with these genetic sequences found in the burgers, we could theoretically grow our own aliens right here on Earth!" In a similar way, Monsanto has said it is interested in growing "self-aware soybeans that can run from superweeds" and thinks alien DNA might result in a "scientific breakthrough" in GE agriculture.

Burger King customers say the alien meat tastes "pretty much the same" as the soybean-enhanced meat filler product typically used by Burger King. "Aliens or not," said one happy customer, "it still tastes great if you put enough ketchup on it."

Aliens caught in Mexican drug war crossfire

So where did the alien meat really come from? It turns out that a colony of human / alien hybrids has been living in Northern Mexico for years and was recently gunned down after being caught in a drug war crossfire aided by Operation Fast & Furious. Given the extreme poverty across the region, the alien bodies were harvested for meat, then hiked across the border to a food processing facility in San Antonio, Texas where the Mexican nationals were each paid $50 plus given voter registration documents for the next election.

Because the drug war continues in Mexico, more alien meat is apparently on the way, and Burger King is considering promoting the alien DNA in its Whopper and changing the slogan to, "A taste that's out of this world!"

"I never ate an alien before," said Bethanne Dorma, a hungry customer at the Wachadoin, Mississippi Burger King. "I ate armadilla once, and I thought maybe it tasted like an alien. I gotta try this new Whopper and see if it tastes like armadilla."

It is not yet clear what the repercussions for Earth might be when the alien civilization realizes we have EATEN its colony members.

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About the author: Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is the founding editor of NaturalNews.com, the internet's No. 1 natural health news website, now reaching 7 million unique readers a month.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource now featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

In addition to being the co-star of the popular GAIAM TV series called Secrets to Health, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

In 2013, Adams created the Natural News Forensic Food Laboratory, a research lab that analyzes common foods and supplements, reporting the results to the public. He is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released ten popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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