(NaturalNews) If you've been eating at Burger King recently, you've been snarfing down ground-up alien flesh. That's the result of a new DNA test that Burger King ordered after its recent horse meat scare
in which one of its food processors admitted using horse flesh alongside beef.
What Burger King didn't expect to find was all the other DNA in its burger meat. DNA tests showed meat derived from flesh containing 56 chromosomes
. Humans only have 23 pairs of chromosomes, or 46 total.
"We were duped," admits Steve Grinder of Anything Goes Food Industries, Inc.
which supplies Burger King with its ready-made meat-like product. "We were told the meat was derived from illegal aliens, and we thought that meant clever people smuggled it over the border. We did not realize it was literally harvested from extraterrestrial beings."
Scientists study Whoppers in search of alien life forms
U.S. scientists have now flocked to Burger King stores to study the meat with DNA analyzers. "This could be the greatest discovery in the history of medical science," said Joyce Jeepers as she swallowed some fries. "If we could genetically modify humans with these genetic sequences found in the burgers, we could theoretically grow our own aliens right here on Earth!" In a similar way, Monsanto has said it is interested in growing "self-aware soybeans that can run from superweeds" and thinks alien DNA
might result in a "scientific breakthrough" in GE agriculture.
Burger King customers say the alien meat tastes "pretty much the same" as the soybean-enhanced meat filler product typically used by Burger King
. "Aliens or not," said one happy customer, "it still tastes great if you put enough ketchup on it."
Aliens caught in Mexican drug war crossfire
So where did the alien meat really come from? It turns out that a colony of human / alien hybrids has been living in Northern Mexico for years and was recently gunned down after being caught in a drug war crossfire
aided by Operation Fast & Furious
. Given the extreme poverty across the region, the alien bodies were harvested for meat
, then hiked across the border to a food processing facility in San Antonio, Texas where the Mexican nationals were each paid $50 plus given voter registration documents for the next election.
Because the drug war continues in Mexico, more alien meat is apparently on the way, and Burger King
is considering promoting the alien DNA in its Whopper and changing the slogan to, "A taste that's out of this world!"
"I never ate an alien before," said Bethanne Dorma, a hungry customer at the Wachadoin, Mississippi Burger King. "I ate armadilla once, and I thought maybe it tasted like an alien. I gotta try this new Whopper and see if it tastes like armadilla."
It is not yet clear what the repercussions for Earth might be when the alien civilization realizes we have EATEN its colony members.