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Originally published November 3 2009

Froot Loops cures cancer! (And other health claims breakfast cereal manufacturers wish they could make) (parody)

by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor

(NaturalNews) Have you heard the news? Froot Loops are a "Smart Choice" for children's health (even though they're made with 40% sugar), and Cocoa Krispies can boost your immunity! (

But there's more to this story. NaturalNews contacted employees of Kellogg's, General Mills and Post to find out what future cereal health claims they might be floating. And guess what? They sent us actual box mockups that depict the new, upcoming health claims you'll soon be seeing on grocery store shelves! (Not really... this article is a parody, but I figured you already knew that...)

Froot Loops now cures cancer! It must be all the different colors. They always say eat a variety of different colors of food to stay healthy, and Froot Loops provides them all!

Cap'n Crunch now gives you washboard abs. Get it? Crunches...

Cheerios solves chronic stress! (It also helps with sleep disorders by boring you to sleep...)

Frosted Flakes for breakfast: Rise and shine!

It's more about the bunches than the honey, believe me...

Guys will buy anything if it will snare some babes...

There's almost no honey in Honey Smacks, by the way. The first 3 ingredients are sugar, wheat and corn syrup...

Hurry, somebody tell Congress!

About these cereal boxes

I couldn't help creating these after reading about the Cocoa Krispies "immunity" claim. I wondered: What sort of claims would cereal companies try next? From there, it just morphed into a bizarre parody of all our favorite childhood cereals. Feel free to share this article (and the pictures), and please credit NaturalNews with a link to this article. Thank you!

I don't know about you, but I grew up eating all this crap, which might be one of the reasons why I was nearly diabetic by age 30. But after ditching processed sugar, sodas, cow's milk and most factory foods, I was able to reverse that condition and stay healthy to this day. (Drinking lots of raw vegetable and fruit juices also made a huge difference.)

Frankly, I'm surprised that I even survived my childhood, considering all the sugary cereals and MSG-laced snack chips I ate on a regular basis. Luckily, though, I lived to tell this story -- and I hope your kids do, too. For God's sake don't let your kids eat sugary breakfast cereals. Feed 'em Kashi or granola, and watch the sugar content in those, too. Better yet, give them some fresh fruit juice (raw, living juice) with some home-made whole-grain bread or something. They may resist it at first, but twenty years later, they'll thank you for it.

Plus, you won't have to pay their hospital bills for diabetes treatments.

By the way, the images in this story are pure parody. Cereal makers aren't actually planning on making these ridiculous claims...

...or are they?

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