Chronic Disorganized Nose Picking Syndrome With Anxiety (CDNPSWA)

CDNPSWA is defined as involving ongoing, systemic and unstoppable combined with a striking inability to locate objects or information during intense nose picking excavations, combined with hypernormal states of emotional strain or mental burden.

Source: Page 1144 of the DSM-IV-FE*

Found the disease you like? Take these steps to get filthy rich!

  1. Patent a dangerous chemical as a "treatment" for CDNPSWA.
  2. Invent fictitious trial results that prove the drug is effective in treating CDNPSWA.
  3. Bribe FDA officials into approving the drug as safe for everyone! (Even if it kills people.)
  4. Submit to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders).
  5. Create an emotional TV ad that shows unhappy, confused people being transformed into perfect beings after they take your drug.
  6. Issue press releases to mainstream media outlets who will run your propaganda as news with zero skepticism.
  7. Bribe doctors with vacations, extravagant meals and "consulting fees" in order to get them to prescribe your drug to as many patients as possible.
  8. Buy off politicians and legislators to block alternative medicine and enforce a pharmaceutical monopoly.
  9. Sit back and rake in the dough** while Americans go broke buying your drug to treat CDNPSWA!
  10. When the lawsuits roll in from the families of dead patients, simply use a small portion of your windfall profits to settle out of court, admitting no guilt.

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* FE = Fictitious Edition
** Any profits earned from the marketing of fictitious diseases generated with this engine must pay a 15% royalty to NaturalNews. Ha!

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About the Disease Mongering Engine

This parody was created by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, a holistic nutritionist and author of many popular health books including: How to Halt Diabetes in 25 Days, Natural Health Solutions and the Conspiracy to Keep You From Knowing About Them, the 7 Laws of Nutrition and the Honest Food Guide.

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