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Health care bill

Twelve better uses for the 1,990-page health care reform bill (satire)

Sunday, November 08, 2009
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: health care bill, health news, Natural News


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(NaturalNews) The health care reform bill just passed by the US House of Representatives is a walloping 1,990 pages weighing 19.6 pounds. As NaturalNews previously reported (https://www.naturalnews.com/027427_health_car...), it required the destruction of 319 trees just to print the 1,335 copies produced by the U.S. Government Printing Office for members of Congress.

Sadly, this bill is a complete waste of trees. Rather than reforming a sick care system into a true health care system, it simply makes sick care mandatory so that everyone has to pay money to the very industries (Big Pharma in particular) that are keeping the American people diseased and bankrupt.

But the health care reform bill isn't completely useless. There are at least a dozen other uses for these 1,990 pages. Here are the top twelve:

#1) Place the 1,990 pages in the waiting room of your local doctor's office for the reading enjoyment of all the patients waiting to be diagnosed with fictitious psychiatric disorders.

#2) Stuff them into the Large Hadron Collider to see if the sheer mass of all these pages might have the ability to open a portal to an alternate universe where health care isn't run by crooks and idiots.

#3) Tie the mass of pages above the front door to your house, setting a trap that will knock an intruder unconscious (and send him to the hospital where he will be denied emergency treatment because he has no health insurance...)

#4) Place the 1,990 pages in a large steel vat, then add some bacteria to turn the wood pulp into ethanol to fuel the private jets chartered by pharmaceutical company CEOs.

#5) Get the U.S. government to air drop the papers from planes flying over Iraq, then have President Obama explain they're "peacekeeping pamphlets." (Because who can fight when they're sick and diseased anyway?)

#6) Recycle the paper fibers into the manufacture of a large number of composting toilets, then ship them to Congress to send a message that legislators are full of something and need some place to put it.

#7) Give away one copy of the 1,990-page bill with each H1N1 vaccine shot. That way, when people still get sick from influenza because the vaccine doesn't work, they have something to read while they're spending $1,000 a day for a hospital bed.

#8) Grind up the pages, mix with chicken poop and feed them to cattle. Chicken poop is already fed to cattle, so a little printed paper could hardly be any worse, right? (https://www.naturalnews.com/027414_disease_co...) Or better, grind them up and sprinkle the bits into the food at the Congressional cafeteria in order to make these lawmakers literally eat their own words!

#9) Have all the paper pressed into cards, then have the cards delivered back to the US House of Representatives, thereby making it a House of Cards.

#10) Require any legislator who wants to vote for the bill to first try to lift it over their heads and hold it there for 60 seconds. If they can carry the bill, then the bill carries.

#11) Recycle all the pages into consumer toilet paper -- but don't bleach out the words. This way, consumers who buy the "green" recycled Congressional toilet paper product can notice the printed words and see exactly where their tax dollars are going.

#12) Dye all the paper green, cut the pages into the size of dollar bills, and send them to the Federal Reserve to pay for the $1 trillion cost for the new health care bill. The U.S. government is going to pay using counterfeit money anyway. Why not make the dollar bills out of the legislative bills?

The bottom line: Universal health care is a noble goal, and it's one that NaturalNews supports, but universal sick care is a disastrous concept. Rather than reforming America's health care system, the bill that just passed the House will only mandate participation in a failed, monopolistic health care scam that fleeces the People of their hard-earned money while simultaneously preventing them from learning the truth about natural remedies.

This health care bill will only accelerate the financial demise of the United States of America. And even while spending a trillion dollars over the next ten years, it will create no net improvement in the health of the American people.

Spend more money, get less in return. It's business as usual in an economic increasingly run by Big Government.

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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