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Pledge of Allegiance

Pledge of Allegiance hijacked by Big Pharma (satire)

Thursday, January 26, 2006
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: Pledge of Allegiance, Big Pharma, bad medicine

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Under new laws declared by the Bush Administration, Big Pharma will begin funding public education, but schoolchildren will now be required to recite an UPDATED Pledge of Allegiance.

For those who may have forgotten, here's the ORIGINAL Pledge:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
With liberty and justice for all.

The NEW Pledge of Allegiance, authored by drug company researchers, shall be recited as follows:


I pledge allegiance to the drugs
of the United States of America
And to the pharmaceutical
My doctor demands
One medication
Under FDA
With Viagra and Prozac for all.

A spokesperson for ConPfuzer, a leading drug company, explained the reason for the changes: "Children need Prozac. All we're doing is reminding them to take their medically-justified medications each morning as they begin their schoolday. It's a genuine public service!"

Big Pharma's hope, said the spokesperson, is to, "Boost mental focus, improve grades, and provide funding to enhance our nation's schools. We care about children. After all, they're our future customers."

Children who refuse to cite the new, nationally-recognized Pledge will be tested for mental disorders by drug-toting psychiatrists who are standing by, waiting for something to happen that gives their meaningless lives some purpose.

"Many mentally disturbed children are not receiving treatment," grinned one psychiatrist, frantically thumbing through the DSM-IV manual. "It is our responsibility to treat them all. You're not against helping children, are you?"

A Bush Administration spokesperson, also present at the announcement, said, "Since Bin Laden is attacking, we should drug all the children. You're not a terrorist, are you?"

The new Pledge of Allegiance, we've also learned, has been copyrighted by ConPfuzer, which will charge schoolchildren their lunch money as a royalty payment for reciting the Pledge each day. "We must teach schoolchildren to respect intellectual property at an early age," said a ConPfuzer statement. "Otherwise, they might grow up and commit more serious crimes like sharing music."

It's too late to actually stop the new Pledge from becoming law. President Bush, citing anti-terrorism powers, explained, "Laws are whatever I say they are." Although, interestingly, he could not spell "allegiance" during the signing of the law (although he had no problem with "of").

Here's some REAL information about the Pledge of Allegiance:

The history of the Pledge:

Keep the Pledge effort (with a conservative angle):

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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