(NaturalNews) When a Los Angeles museum spent $10 million to move a large boulder across California and use it as a museum attraction, museum director Michael Govan told Reuters the activity was a tremendous boon to the economy. "You couldn't ask for a better gift to the economy right now than to be paying iron workers, truck drivers, concrete, construction workers," he said.
Shortly thereafter, local California bureaucrats -- most of whom flunked Economics 101 in college -- urged Govan to unveil a national plan to boost the economy by hiring fleets of iron workers, truck drivers and construction workers to move rocks back and forth across the country on giant trucks.
"It will create over one million jobs!" declared California's home-grown economic genius Nancy Pelosi, who also chimed in with the idea of adding Christmas lights to all the rocks so that trucks driving back and forth across the nation would be "beautiful to watch at night."
Smash some glass for the economy!
The idea of hiring masses of workers to drive large rocks across America as a job creation program has also attracted the attention of unions and politicians. A Democrat from Oregon has proposed a national bill mandating all museums across the country purchase and move 100-ton boulders to their doorstep. It's called the "Museum Education and Jobs Creation Act" and will be administered by over 5,000 paper-pushing bureaucrats working at the Department of Education.
The glass workers union in Sacramento also took the opportunity to suggest that in addition to all the iron workers and truck drivers already involved with the initiative, tens of thousands of glass worker jobs could also be created if the trucks carrying the rocks also hurled small rocks at glass buildings along their routes.
Nancy Pelosi hailed this idea as, "More awesomer!" and immediately began to consider what else might be destroyed in order for the government to create more jobs.
Just yesterday, a top Pentagon official answered that question with a fascinating proposal that the Chicago School of Economics heralded as pure genius: "Let's bomb all the cities after the rocks move through," he suggested, pointing out that the post-bombing rebuilding efforts would require millions of concrete workers, steel workers, glass workers, landscape workers, insurance professionals and a huge team of even more bureaucrats to shuffle all the paperwork.
President Obama released a supporting statement shortly thereafter: "Our economic policy has always focused on the destruction of America as a way to boost the national economy, so we wholeheartedly support this plan to rebuild America!"
A White House beat reporter present at the announcement asked the question, "But sir, wouldn't it be better to spend money building schools and bridges instead of bombing our own cities?" She was quickly removed from the room with a wink and a nod from Attorney General Eric Holder who mouthed the letters "N D A A."
When another reporter asked what gave the Obama administration the constitutional right to order the destruction of America's infrastructure, the White House simply counterfeited a whole new amendment to the Bill of Rights. "Amendment sixty-two," declared Obama to a line of zombie-faced CNN reporters, "grants the federal government the right to destroy the national infrastructure if such actions are necessary to create jobs. It's also covered by the Commerce Clause..."
The announcement was also carried by NPR which brought in special guest and former Clinton-era economic advisor Robert Reich who urged the President to declare July 4th a new holiday -- "National Arson Day" -- during which patriotic Americans would be called upon to burn down local buildings in order to create new jobs rebuilding them. "Only the academic elite have the intellectual capacity to grasp the pure genius of this plan," Reich declared on national radio. The NPR host calmly agreed.
People interested in volunteering for the program can sign up at ArsonForAmerica.gov, which now features a special welcome message by Janet Napolitano urging arsonist to immediately call the government if they notice anything suspicious while they are burning down buildings.
The new economy explained
White House economic advisors have announced an initial draft of expanded economic plans to help create jobs across the country, including:
• Recruiting teams of catapult builders to launch large boulders at hospitals and library buildings.
• Planting high explosive bombs at train stations nationwide in order to "rebuild our national rail infrastructure after the bombs go off, which will also be useful for teaching Americans they are under constant attack from terrorism."
• Launching giant mirrors into low Earth orbit which can be directed to "melt steel bridges using the heat of the sun" thereby unleashing a new era of bridge rebuilding, which is good for the economy!
• Paying hundreds of thousands of mindless workers to walk around the nation pretending to count how many people there are. Oops, already done. The census.
• Using the U.S. military to air-drop millions of tons of wood-devouring termites onto suburban housing development neighborhoods across America, thereby spurring a whole new wave of home rebuilding and chemical pest control.
Upon hearing this news, Wall Street responded with a strong positive uptick, indicating that the policies reflect sound economic sense and a vision for national economic growth.
Get it yet?
War is peace. Destruction is prosperity. Slavery is freedom. ...and museum directors on the government payroll should never be asked about economic issues.
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