laptop

Laptop computers cook your testicles

Monday, November 08, 2010
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: laptop computers, infertility, health news

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(NaturalNews) Is something burning, or are you just computing again? New research published in the medial journal Fertility and Sterility (Nov 2010) reveals that laptop computers can roast a man's testicles to the point where sperm production (and quality) starts to drop.

To conduct the study, researchers placed temperature sensors on the scrotums of 29 men (a procedure that no doubt required some finesse and hopefully did not involve TSA agents), then asked those men to use laptop computers on their laps. It didn't take long before scrotum temperatures rose to levels known to damage sperm production -- just 10 to 15 minutes of computing time.

Staying cool means staying fertile

Testicles are supposed to stay cool. And I don't mean "wow, that's cool" but rather that they are supposed to remain a degree or two below body temperature in order to maximize sperm production. When the testes get too hot -- even with as little as a one degree Centigrade rise in temperature -- sperm production starts to fall. Using a laptop computer on your lap can cause temperatures to rise by 2.5 C in one hour, according to this research.

And the men in the study didn't even notice the rise in temperature, by the way. Probably because they were too busy updating their Facebook pages with comments like, "Check it out, I'm actually getting paid to roast my nuts for the advancement of science!"

In the world of temperature-sensitive sperm production, 2.5 C is equivalent to a scrotum barbeque cook-off. And all it takes is a little laptop computing to send temperatures soaring.

Cooling pads didn't help

Surprisingly, even using a laptop cooling pad didn't help, researchers reported. Scrotum temperatures still rose just the same.

Reuters reported that Belkin International, Inc., makers of laptop computer cooling pads, "...did not wish to comment on the new findings." (http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6A4573...)

No surprise there. This is dangerous territory for marketers. After all, there's really no way to spin this story in a positive direction. Even if Belkin unleashed ads such as, "Feeling the heat? We keep your scrotum cool," they would be hit with complaints about lewd marketing tactics.

It turns out the biggest determining factor of whether a laptop computer heats up your testicles is your leg position while computing. I'm not making this up: Researchers found the best position was to spread your legs wide while computing in order to dissipate heat and cool your man-crotch.

Just what we need in the airports, huh? First you get felt up by the TSA with their high-security crotch sweeps (http://www.naturalnews.com/030100_naked_body...), and then you have to walk past a bunch of health-conscious compu-geeks sitting spread-eagle in the passenger waiting area because they're hoping to remain fertile in case they ever actually meet a girl in the real world and not just in adult chat rooms.

We need to all get together and blame somebody for this mess, of course. It's the American way. And I say we should all blame Intel because obviously it's the CPU that's generating most of the heat in a typical laptop. The harder you push the CPU, the more heat your computer dumps out. In our litigious society, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before somebody tries to sue Intel for their infertility problems.

Stay cool, dude

The bottom line in all this, guys, is that when it comes to your testes, hot is bad, cool is good. Keep things "breezy" down there, in other words, and you just might have children one day.

And for all the women reading this who have men you're trying to conceive with, you might explain to them that in addition to fried foods and pharmaceuticals damaging sperm quality, now they have to worry about where they're holding their laptop computers, too. If you catch your man with a computer on his lap, shove some ice packs down the front of his shorts until he gets the message. I guarantee you this will get his attention.

Because men who can't keep their junk cool are actually practicing a form of laptop birth control. Although the drop in sperm quality from laptop heat isn't considered permanent, it's technically a form of short-term sperm suppression. Sort of like soaking your sack in a hot tub for twenty minutes (hopefully with the rest of your body along with it).

All this makes me wonder, by the way, if laptop manufacturers might start engineering their computers to offer better scrotum protection for their male customers. "Now with Windows 7, Norton Anti-Virus, and Scrotum Protector Plus!"

Or maybe there will be a new, downloadable edition of Windows that uses fewer CPU cycles and will be branded "Windows 7 Ultimate Scrotum Pro for Men" and bundled with a new macho face shaver sporting not four, not five, but NINE rotating blades powered by a 200-amp car battery.

Quick, somebody register CrotchCooler.com and invent heat-conducting copper underwear that can dissipate crotch heat out the sides of your pants. Or roll out a new line of water-cooled "Bro shorts" featuring hot male models sporting ripped six-packs. "I'm cool," the ad says. "And so is my scrotum."

There's a fortune just waiting to be made here somewhere, I'm certain, for anyone willing to get past the laughter and create a workable solution. The U.S. Patent Office is ready and waiting…

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About the author: Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is the founding editor of NaturalNews.com, the internet's No. 1 natural health news website, now reaching 7 million unique readers a month.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource now featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

In addition to being the co-star of the popular GAIAM TV series called Secrets to Health, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

In 2013, Adams created the Natural News Forensic Food Laboratory, a research lab that analyzes common foods and supplements, reporting the results to the public. He is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released ten popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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