cure

Susan G. Komen for the Cure sells pink cigarettes for cancer fundraising (satire)

Friday, April 23, 2010
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: Susan G Komen, pinkwashing, health news

eTrust Pro Certified

Delicious Pin It
(NaturalNews Satire) Susan G. Komen for the Cure today announced its alliance with the RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company in launching its new brand of pink cigarettes called "Komen Smokes." Emblazoned with the slogan, "A pack a day keeps cancer away," three cents from every pack of cigarettes will be directed to funding the search for the cure for cancer.

It's all part of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure's expansion into fundraising for cancer research by selling more products and services that actually cause cancer. "Komen for the Cure has already endorsed fast food fried chicken and toxic cosmetics made with cancer-causing chemicals," said pinkwashing spokesperson Dave Sourface. "So we thought, hey, why not just make money off cigarettes, too?"

Thanks to a recent decision to abandon all ethics and just go after the money, Susan G. Komen for the Cure has been able to expand its pinkwashing campaign to a number of new and unusual sectors of the economy:

• The Ukraine chapter of Susan G. Komen for the Cure will be hosting "Chernobyl Tours for the Cure" that offer visitors a chance to walk through the radioactive remains of the former nuclear power plant that suffered a meltdown in 1986. Komen spokesperson Dave Sourface explained, "It's like receiving a thousand mammograms all at once! What could be wrong with that?"

• In China, organs harvested from political prisoners are being spray-painted pink and sold back to wealthy transplant recipients under Susan G. Komen's new, "Organ Harvesting for the Cure" program. "The cool thing about this is that many of the organs are already pink," explained Sourface. "So we don't even have to color them pink."

• In Houston, Texas, the Susan G. Komen for the Cure chapter will be hosting an all-you-can-eat "Bacon for the Cure" contest. All the bacon will be laced with extra sodium nitrite (a cancer-causing chemical found in most bacon products) with the purpose of seeing who can eat the most bacon without dying of cancer right on the spot. Oncologists will be standing by with chemotherapy injection devices to "treat" the contestants who develop spontaneous tumors.

• The Las Vegas, Nevada offices of Susan G. Komen for the Cure has announced its new "Gambling for the Cure" program featuring pink casinos that are offering to donate 1% of the losings of gambling addicts to the organization.

But among all these pinkwashing campaign efforts, Susan G. Komen for the Cure believes that its "Komen Smokes" program will be the most successful. "We've laced our pink cigarettes with extra nicotine to help our smokers get addicted to fundraising." said Sourface.

Getting our (pink) cut

Critics have been quick to point out the hypocrisy of an apparent cancer fundraising non-profit group making money off products and services that actually cause cancer, but this didn't seem to faze Komen for the Cure. "People are buying cigarettes every day," explained spokesperson Sourface. "Why shouldn't we use some of that money to expand our organization and pay our executives higher salaries?"

"We want to take a cut of every transaction in the free world by calling it pink," said Sourface. "When a drug dealer sells crack on the street, we want it to be pink Susan G. Komen crack. When a customer hires a prostitute in Vegas, we want them to be using pink Susan G. Komen condoms. When the U.S. Army fights a war in the Middle East, we want them to be firing pink Komen bullets. Whether it's junk food, bullets, condoms, illegal street drugs, gambling or even organized prostitution, we want our pink cut of the action."

Sort of like the mob.

K.F.C. now stands for Komen For the Cure. (Followed by a huge bout of laughter at the idea that eating fried chicken can cure cancer.) (Thank you to R. S. for the tip on that.)

Editor's Note: This article is pure satire. Well, except for the part about Susan G. Komen for the cure selling buckets of fried chicken. That's real. Read more here: http://www.naturalnews.com/028631_Komen_for_...

This article is published for entertainment purposes only, and the contents of this article are protected under the Free Speech provisions of the Constitution of the United States of America. This article is not endorsed by the RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company nor the Susan G. Komen for the Cure organization. The exaggeration used here is presented in the context of outrage to point out how ridiculous our world has become where fried chicken is sold as a cure for cancer, and non-profits get away with marketing fraud by hiding behind pink ribbons.

Get breaking news alerts on GMOs, fluoride, superfoods, natural cures and more...
Join over four million monthly readers. Email privacy 100% protected. Unsubscribe at any time.




About the author: Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is the founding editor of NaturalNews.com, the internet's No. 1 natural health news website, now reaching 7 million unique readers a month.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource now featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

In addition to being the co-star of the popular GAIAM TV series called Secrets to Health, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

In 2013, Adams created the Natural News Forensic Food Laboratory, a research lab that analyzes common foods and supplements, reporting the results to the public. He is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released ten popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

Have comments on this article? Post them here:

comments powered by Disqus

Take Action: Support NaturalNews.com

Email this article to a friend

Permalink to this article:

Reprinting this article: Non-commercial use OK, cite NaturalNews.com with clickable link.

Embed article link: (copy HTML code below):
Most Popular
Today | Week | Month | Year

See all Top Headlines...



GET SHOW DETAILS
+ a FREE GIFT

Now Available at ShopNaturalNews.com

O3 Essentials OraJuvenate™
A powerful, cleansing dental cream for maximum oral/dental health.
New Cancer Solutions
Over 3 hours of content covering today’s best cancer tests, how to kill cancer cells and the best diets and exercise routines.
Freeze-Dried 100% Organic Whole Corn
Our freeze-drying method preserves taste, texture and nutrients better than any other food preservation method ever invented.
Fenix TK35 Flashlight
Tough, waterproof, extremely bright and it’s touted to throw an 800+ lumen beam more than 1,000 feet into the night.
Inca Treasure Smoothie Pack
This pack of our four most popular superfoods from South America is the perfect combo pack for smoothie lovers.
Pink Himalayan Salt
This salt delivers significant levels of magnesium, zinc and selenium, with trace levels of dozens of other elements.
Pinhole Glasses - Aviator Style
Pinhole glasses are becoming famous for helping people improve their vision without the risks of laser surgery.
Oxy-Rich Facial Serum
O3 Essentials Jojoba Oxy-Rich Facial Serum is cellular nourishment for your skin. Helps smooth fine lines while enhancing tissue elasticity.
Freeze-Dried 100% Blackberry Halves
Our freeze-dried blackberry halves are grown in Serbia under strict organic standards.

Also on NaturalNews:

Health Ranger Videos
Activist music
CounterThink Cartoons
Food documentaries
FREE Special Reports
Podcasts
Colloidal Silver

Advertise with NaturalNews...

Support NaturalNews Sponsors:

Advertise with NaturalNews...

Most Popular Stories

Flu shot kills 19-year-old, but vaccine industry still has total immunity against lawsuits
Here's a nutty fact: Eating more tree nuts lowers the risk of all-cause death by up to 20 percent
Six important facts you're not being told about lost Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 now clearly a government cover-up: All evidence contradicts official story
10 other companies that use the same Subway yoga mat chemical in their buns
BLM fracking racket exposed! Armed siege and cattle theft from Bundy ranch really about fracking leases
High-dose vitamin C injections shown to annihilate cancer
U.S. treating meat with ammonia, bleach and antibiotics to kill the '24-hour sickness'
USDA to allow U.S. to be overrun with contaminated chicken from China
Vaccine fraud exposed: Measles and mumps making a huge comeback because vaccines are designed to fail, say Merck virologists
Battle for humanity nearly lost: global food supply deliberately engineered to end life, not nourish it
Diet soda, aspartame linked to premature deaths in women

25 Amazing Facts About Food

This FREE downloadable report unveils a collection of astonishing and little-known facts about the food we eat very day. Click here to read it now...

 

Resveratrol and its Effects on Human Health and Longevity - Myth or Miracle.

Unlock the secrets of cellular health with the "miracle" nutrient Resveratrol Click here to read it now...

 

Nutrition Can Save America

FREE online report shows how we can save America through a nutrition health care revolution. "Eating healthy is patriotic!" Click here to read it now...

The Healing Power of Sunlight and Vitamin D

In this exclusive interview, Dr. Michael Holick reveals fascinating facts on how vitamin D is created and used in the human body to ward off chronic diseases like cancer, osteoporosis, mental disorders and more. Click here to read it now...

Vaccines: Get the Full Story

The International Medical Council on Vaccination has released, exclusively through NaturalNews.com, a groundbreaking document containing the signatures of physicians, brain surgeons and professors, all of which have signed on to a document stating that vaccines pose a significant risk of harm to the health of children. Click here to read it now...

Health Ranger Storable Organics

GMO-free, chemical-free foods and superfoods for long-term storage and preparedness. See selection at www.StorableOrganics.com



Recommended Resources On:

Natural News trends
Health Ranger news
Natural News GMOs
Mike Adams tracker
Natural News photos
Natural News Global
Natural News in focus
Natural News connect
Natural News shocking stories
Natural News radar
GMOs
Quackwatch
Vaccines
Health freedom
Dr. Paul Offit

This site is part of the Natural News Network © 2014 All Rights Reserved. Privacy | Terms All content posted on this site is commentary or opinion and is protected under Free Speech. Truth Publishing International, LTD. is not responsible for content written by contributing authors. The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Truth Publishing assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms and those published here. All trademarks, registered trademarks and servicemarks mentioned on this site are the property of their respective owners.

eTrust Pro Certified Android app on Google Play

Sign up for the FREE Natural News Email Newsletter

Receive breaking news on GMOs, vaccines, fluoride, radiation protection, natural cures, food safety alerts and interviews with the world's top experts on natural health and more.

Join over 7 million monthly readers of NaturalNews.com, the internet's No. 1 natural health news site. (Source: Alexa.com)

Your email address *

Please enter the code you see above*

No Thanks

Already have it and love it!

Natural News supports and helps fund these organizations:

* Required. Once you click submit, we will send you an email asking you to confirm your free registration. Your privacy is assured and your information is kept confidential. You may unsubscribe at anytime.