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Comments by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Imagine being uprooted from your home, slapped on the roof of a car, bound with rope and twine, then driven to an unfamiliar place where you're decorated with shards of glass and hot lights powered by faulty electrical wiring that could set fire to you at any moment...
Such is the plight of a Christmas tree. It's all done in the name of Jesus, too, as if Jesus were the kind of person who would actually go out into the forest and clear-cut a bunch of living beings, use them for two weeks then toss them in the trash. Somehow, that doesn't sound very Jesus-like to me.
The cutting of Christmas trees is yet another wonderful example of nonsensical holiday shenanigans that are followed by western consumers who rarely bother to inject even a hint of reason into their own rituals. Hey, I celebrate Christmas, too, but my celebration of the holiday doesn't require me to go out and kill something. I don't have to kill a deer, chop a tree or murder a pig to eat a Christmas ham. Nothing had to suffer for me to eat my Christmas meal and send genuine love and compassion to fellow human beings.
For those of you who also refuse to kill trees for Christmas, good for you! Let's all have a non-violent Christmas, shall we? There are perfectly good synthetic trees available which are not only easier to handle, less expensive to own and more humane to the pine forests; they also won't burn down your house when those crappy made-in-China Wal-Mart lights you bought for $2.99 start acting like Sparky the Fire Dancer.
I wonder what might happen in the world if trees had hands and feet. They already have limbs, of course, but I'm talking about limbs they can articulate. If they acted like most people, they'd load up the family tree van and head out to some sort of human farm -- a retirement center, for example, or a public school -- snatch up a human and strap them to the top of their minivan. Then they'd take him home, dress him up like a rave-dancing fairy and stuff light bulbs up his ass while singing Christmas carols like the all-time classic, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer."
Ah yes, it's Christmas with the Treants!
There are always a few under-informed website guests who never quite catch on to the satire in my cartoons, so let me conclude this by preempting the inevitable criticism from those who few individuals will call and complain that I'm satirizing a sacred holiday. In reality, I'm not making fun of the holiday at all: I'm making fun of the contradictions in peoples' actions. I'm pointing out the blatant hypocrisy in typical Christmas followers who claim to protect the sanctity of life on one hand, and yet who destroy a healthy living tree at the same time. That's just plain loony. It's even loonier that it's all overtly done in the name of Jesus Christ.
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Friday, December 21, 2007
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