 Under new laws declared by the Bush Administration, Big Pharma will begin funding public education, but schoolchildren will now be required to recite an UPDATED Pledge of Allegiance.
For those who may have forgotten, here's the ORIGINAL Pledge:
I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.
The NEW Pledge of Allegiance, authored by drug company researchers, shall be recited as follows:
THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO OUR MEDICATION NATION
I pledge allegiance to the drugs
of the United States of America
And to the pharmaceutical
My doctor demands
One medication
Under FDA
Uninsured
With Viagra and Prozac for all.
A spokesperson for ConPfuzer, a leading drug company, explained the reason for the changes: "Children need Prozac. All we're doing is reminding them to take their medically-justified medications each morning as they begin their schoolday. It's a genuine public service!"
Big Pharma's hope, said the spokesperson, is to, "Boost mental focus, improve grades, and provide funding to enhance our nation's schools. We care about children. After all, they're our future customers."
Children who refuse to cite the new, nationally-recognized Pledge will be tested for mental disorders by drug-toting psychiatrists who are standing by, waiting for something to happen that gives their meaningless lives some purpose.
"Many mentally disturbed children are not receiving treatment," grinned one psychiatrist, frantically thumbing through the DSM-IV manual. "It is our responsibility to treat them all. You're not against helping children, are you?"
A Bush Administration spokesperson, also present at the announcement, said, "Since Bin Laden is attacking, we should drug all the children. You're not a terrorist, are you?"
The new Pledge of Allegiance, we've also learned, has been copyrighted by ConPfuzer, which will charge schoolchildren their lunch money as a royalty payment for reciting the Pledge each day. "We must teach schoolchildren to respect intellectual property at an early age," said a ConPfuzer statement. "Otherwise, they might grow up and commit more serious crimes like sharing music."
It's too late to actually stop the new Pledge from becoming law. President Bush, citing anti-terrorism powers, explained, "Laws are whatever I say they are." Although, interestingly, he could not spell "allegiance" during the signing of the law (although he had no problem with "of").
Here's some REAL information about the Pledge of Allegiance:
The history of the Pledge:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
Keep the Pledge effort (with a conservative angle):
http://www.keepthepledge.com
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About the author: Mike Adams is a consumer health advocate with a passion for teaching people how to improve their health He is a prolific writer and has published thousands of articles, interviews, reports and consumer guides, impacting the lives of millions of readers around the world who are experiencing phenomenal health benefits from reading his articles. Adams is an independent journalist with strong ethics who does not get paid to write articles about any product or company. In 2007, Adams launched EcoLEDs, a manufacturer of mercury-free, energy-efficient LED lighting products that save electricity and help prevent global warming. He also launched an online retailer of environmentally-friendly products (BetterLifeGoods.com) and uses a portion of its profits to help fund non-profit endeavors. He's also the founder of a well known HTML email software company whose 'Email Marketing Director' software currently runs the NaturalNews subscription database. Adams volunteers his time to serve as the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, and pursues hobbies such as Pilates, Capoeira, nature macrophotography and organic gardening. He's also author of numerous health books published by Truth Publishing and is the creator of several consumer-oriented grassroots campaigns, including the Spam. Don't Buy It! campaign, and the free downloadable Honest Food Guide. He also created the free reference sites HerbReference.com and HealingFoodReference.com. Adams believes in free speech, free access to nutritional supplements and the ending of corporate control over medicines, genes and seeds. Known as the 'Health Ranger,' Adams' personal health statistics and mission statements are located at www.HealthRanger.org
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