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Originally published March 6 2006

The Uniform Food Ignorance Act (HR 4167) (satire)

by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor

I have recently learned that the National Uniformity for Food Act (HR 4167) is not what you think. A Washington insider has faxed me documents showing the original wording of the bill, and its original name: the Uniform Food Ignorance Act. This name was apparently changed to make the bill sound more appealing.

In the original Uniform Food Ignorance Act, I found several disturbing passages that I feel obligated to share with you here. You will be absolutely shocked to read these words that reflect the original intent of the bill. Here's what I found...

1.3.1 Ignorance is safety

As this country is founded on equality, no American shall be entitled to any more information about cancer-causing food ingredients or the contamination of foods with heavy metals than any other American. Therefore, all Americans shall be kept uniformly ignorant about the health dangers of their foods, for their own protection.

4.2.2 Education is dangerous

As consumers cannot be trusted to be able to reliably understand food warning labels written in plain English such as, "This food contains an ingredient shown to cause cancer" or, "This product may cause birth defects," all such warning labels shall be immediately removed from all food products.

Providing information to consumers about the so-called "dangers" of certain chemicals or heavy metals, without the full scientific context by which such conclusions were reached, will only serve to confuse consumers and may in fact compromise their ability to make healthful grocery shopping decisions. The outlawing of such confusing warnings will make food shopping simpler, more reliable and safer for all.

6.5.2 Voluntary labeling by food companies

If any foods actually contain dangerous or cancer-causing ingredients, food companies shall voluntarily print such warnings on their food labels in good faith, thereby greatly reducing the cost of requiring federal oversight on food safety and subsequently saving the American taxpayers millions of dollars each year. We, the members of Congress, have been promised so by Kraft Foods, Heinz, the Grocery Manufacturers of America and other campaign contributors.

12.3.9 The revocation of States' rights

That States have passed laws requiring warning labels of dangerous food ingredients is an unacceptable encroachment into regulatory territory clearly reserved for the United States federal government. States are out of bounds in seeking such regulatory power, as it has not been granted to them by the federal government, the source of all power and rights in the United States of America.

Therefore, in order to halt the decentralization of federal power, this Congress shall send a message to state-level regulatory authorities that their attempts to seize regulatory powers from the federal government shall not be tolerated.

With the passage of this Food Ignorance Act, the Tenth Amendment of the Bill of Rights shall also be deemed null and void.

16.4.4 Homeland security

As the U.S. food supply is crucial to the stability of this nation, and as requiring food companies to print and inventory different labels for different states creates an unnecessary cost burden to such companies, the streamlining of factory food label printing, inventory and distribution shall hereby be deemed crucial to the national security of the United States of America.

Any attempt to interfere with the timely production, distribution or sales of processed food products shall hence forth by deemed an act of terrorism, and any individuals or state government agencies (such as state Departments of Agriculture) responsible for such acts of terrorism shall be "processed" at the Guantanamo Bay detection center, where they shall be force-fed Oreo cookies until they either confess to their crimes or die from chronic diarrhea. As we will use cookies, not weapons, this shall not be considered torture, but rather shall be described as the "Guantanamo Bay school lunch program."

22.7.6 The Darth Vader clause

We, the Congress of these United States, shall bring law and order to the universe. We will crush the food safety rebellion and finally bring peace to our people. After all, we are the "United" States of America, and with the passage of this Food Ignorance Act, we shall be once again truly united under one regulatory body, to the benefit of all.


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