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Economic stimulus

How to Create Your Own Personal Economic Stimulus Plan (satire)

Friday, February 13, 2009
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: economic stimulus, health news, Natural News

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(NaturalNews) Why let Congress have all the fun? You can create your own personal "economic stimulus plan" too. How do you do it? Just follow these five basic steps:

Step 1: Write a 1,000 page shopping list of all the stuff you want to buy.

Just type up a list of everything you've ever wanted to spend money on, but couldn't afford to: Cars, luxury clothing, jewelry, a big new house with a swimming pool, fancy art on the wall, exotic vacations, your own private jet... the sky's the limit!

Step 2: Go shopping with your credit cards

The next step is easy: Grab your credit cards and head to the malls. Shop for all the stuff that's on your 1,000-page shopping list. Run up all the credit you want!

Step 3: Print up counterfeit money to pay off the credit cards

Here's the really clever part: Just follow what the Federal Reserve does! Pick up a U.S. Treasury printing press and just start printing $100 bills like mad!

Step 4: Use the counterfeit money to pay off your credit cards

Next, take all the counterfeit money you've printed up and deposit it in your bank account. From there, simply pay off your credit cards. Voila! The debt is magically gone!

Step 5: Repeat!

But don't stop with doing it just once. Your own personal economics can be so downright stimulating, can't they? Invoke your economic stimulus process every few months, buying up all the things you don't really need while paying for it with money created out of nothing!

Oh yeah, and don't worry about all the other people being harmed by all the counterfeit money you're pumping into the money supply. They're all getting bailed out by the Fed anyway, right? Keep that printing press pumping!

What to do when the Secret Service arrives at your house

Just tell them this is about JOBS! You're creating JOBS! Like the jobs of all those people at the car dealer you bought from, and the shoe stores you shopped at, and the private charter jet company you hired on your round-the-world trip. All those people have jobs because of your personal economic stimulus plan, don't they? Who can argue with that?

And besides, you can tell them, "This is better than just DOING NOTHING, isn't it?" These Secret Service types apparently want you to just sit there and do nothing. That's silly when you could be running the printing presses and creating JOBS!

How stupid is this plan?

Now, obviously, this whole article is satire...

... or is it? Because, if you think about it, this is exactly what Congress has just authorized for the nation! It's a wild spending spree paid for with counterfeit money that's simply being created out of thin air as if the Fed were running a grand counterfeiting operation.

Technically, it IS running a counterfeit operation. The only difference between the Fed's counterfeit operation and YOUR counterfeit operation is that theirs is legal.

Which just goes to show ya: If you're going to counterfeit money, don't do it small time. Think big! Counterfeit the currency for an entire nation! And then, with the help of enough politicians, your counterfeiting magically becomes known as "fiscal policy!"

By the way, as the author of this satire article, I'm also the guy who wrote the super-popular song, I Want My Bailout Money, which you can listen to here: https://www.naturalnews.com/I_Want_My_Bailout...

Maybe there will be a follow-up called I Want My Economic Stimulus Plan!

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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