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Whole Foods, funny math and the five dollar avocado (satire)

Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
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Here's the best part: I actually found organic avocados at whole foods priced at (this is not a typo): 2 for $5 each Now let's think about this for a minute. Two avocados for five dollars each. Isn't that the same as two avocados for ten dollars!? Geesh! Why all the funny math? Why doesn't whole foods just say 2 for $10? Because nobody in their right mind would pay five bucks for an avocado. Would you? I got to thinking, why don't we expand this fuzzy math to other products? How about cans of soup sold at "5 for $2 each!" Or, perhaps, gasoline: "10 gallons for $3 each!
On a per-ounce basis, eating silver coins is probably cheaper than eating at the whole foods deli. The salt that shrunk my head Other selections from the deli also listed yeast extract right on the ingredients list! To avoid all the bacon and yeast extract, I decided to buy some fresh tortilla soup made by apparently famous sisters who are producing soup under the whole foods brand. I bought a large container of the soup, took it home, warmed it up in a pan (I don't use microwaves), and took a sip.
That's just the beginning of the whole foods warnings. I recently purchased some potato salad from their deli and was later horrified to find myself chewing on a piece of bacon. Who puts bacon in the potato salad sold at a "healthy" grocery store anyway? There must have been some sort of anti-vegetarian food pervert hanging out behind the deli, tossing random slices of meat into the various dishes, just waiting for vegetarian-minded customers like me to come along and cough up a bite. Needless to say, I ended up throwing away four dollars worth of whole foods potato salad.
To avoid all the bacon and yeast extract, I decided to buy some fresh tortilla soup made by apparently famous sisters who are producing soup under the whole foods brand. I bought a large container of the soup, took it home, warmed it up in a pan (I don't use microwaves), and took a sip. The blast of salt caused my lips and half my face to shrivel into a human prune that looked like a shrunken head from the Jivaro tribe in Equador. It required two liters of fresh water to rehydrate my face back to a semi-normal shape.
Hopefully, YOU own shares in whole foods, and you're earning some dividends off my repeat purchase of fresh produce priced like gold.
Why doesn't whole foods just say 2 for $10? Because nobody in their right mind would pay five bucks for an avocado. Would you? I got to thinking, why don't we expand this fuzzy math to other products? How about cans of soup sold at "5 for $2 each!" Or, perhaps, gasoline: "10 gallons for $3 each!" If you do this exercise enough times, you quickly realize that the formula of X for $Y each means the same thing regardless of the X.

From Belly Fat to Belly FLAT: How Your Hormones Are Adding Inches to Your Waistline and Subtracting Years from Your Life

C. W. Randolph, M.D.
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They are: Whole Foods Market: Founded in 1980 as one small store in Austin, Texas, whole foods Market is now the world's leading retailer of natural and organic foods, with 197 stores in North America and the United Kingdom. To find a whole foods Market near you, go to www.wholefoodsmarket.com. Wild Oats: In July 2007 it was announced that Wild Oats, another pioneer would merge with whole foods Market. Prior to the merger, Wild Oats operated 110 natural foods stores in 24 states and British Columbia, Canada.

The Food-Mood Connection: Nutrition-based and Environmental Approaches to Mental Health and Physical Wellbeing

Gary Null and Amy McDonald
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Eat whole foods. It's crucial. Humans were meant to eat whole foods, not Pop Tarts. If you eat a whole food diet and then eat a processed food, there are significant effects on intestinal functioning. If the intestine is not functioning well, you are not going to be taking in the nutrients, even if the food is decent. "Eliminate all of the sugar. A natural honey or rice syrup is fine, but not the nine teaspoons of sugar in every Coke and other sweet carbonated beverages. Cut out the caffeine. Watch for food sensitivities, which are not full-fledged food allergies.

From Belly Fat to Belly FLAT: How Your Hormones Are Adding Inches to Your Waistline and Subtracting Years from Your Life

C. W. Randolph, M.D.
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To find a whole foods Market near you, go to www.wholefoodsmarket.com. Wild Oats: In July 2007 it was announced that Wild Oats, another pioneer would merge with whole foods Market. Prior to the merger, Wild Oats operated 110 natural foods stores in 24 states and British Columbia, Canada. The Company's markets also include: Wild Oats Marketplace, Henry's Farmers Market, Sun Harvest and Capers Community Markets. At the time of this printing, Wild Oats website was still operational: www.wildoats.com. Websites Many people initially complain that buying organic is too expensive.

The Food-Mood Solution: All-Natural Ways to Banish Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Stress, Overeating, and Alcohol and Drug Problems--and Feel Good Again

Jack Challem
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Whole Foods At whole foods, the emphasis is on wholesome, natural foods, including free-range meats, organic produce, and a wide variety of other healthful food products. For more information, go to www.wholefoods.com. Wild Oats This national chain emphasizes natural and gourmet foods. Wild Oats' meat departments offer free-range meats. For more information, call (800) 494-WILD or go to www.wildoats.com. Specialty Foods and Other Products Blue Diamond Natural This company makes "Nut-Thins," some of the best snack crackers you'll find all free of wheat and gluten products.

The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth: The Surprising, Unbiased Truth About What You Should Eat and Why

Jonny Bowden, Ph.D., C.N.S.
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Coincidentally, the next day I was in whole foods, where they had sliced fresh jicama in a package in the produce center, ready to eat. Of course I had to buy it. And here's my verdict: Jicama is so fresh, clean, refreshing, and crispy tasting that you actually feel healthier after eating it. What on Earth Is Jicama? Jicama is a root vegetable that is a staple in Mexican food. In its native habitat, it's sold as a street food in South America, with a squeeze of lime and a bit of fiery chili powder. It's a white-fleshed tuber that can weigh anywhere from half a pound to more than five pounds.

Feed Your Genes Right: Eat to Turn Off Disease-Causing Genes and Slow Down Aging

Jack Challem
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Whole Foods Like Wild Oats, the emphasis at whole foods is on wholesome, natural foods, including free-range meats, organic produce, and a wide variety of other healthful food products. For more information go to www.wholefoods.com Vitamin Cottage Vitamin Cottage is a Colorado-based, family-owned group of nineteen natural food stores with markets in Denver and other cities in Colorado, as well as in Albuquerque and Santa Fe, New Mexico. For more information and the locations of Vitamin Cottage stores, call (877) 986-4600 or go to www.vitamincottage.com.

Conscious Health: A Complete Guide to Wellness Through Natural Means

Ron Garner
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Remember that each combination of foods or herbs produces a different group of electrical matrices, and that the body can only use natural electrical matrices from whole foods for health. Try not to become discouraged when you embark on your health program. It took a long time to get to the health condition and age you are now. Your existing conditions cannot simply be corrected in a week, or a month, or even a year in most cases. You will go through some times of feeling that things are "tough" as your body reverses its path and starts to correct past disease and injury conditions.

Dr. Gundry's Diet Evolution: Turn Off the Genes That Are Killing You - And Your Waistline - And Drop the Weight for Good

Dr. Steven R. Gundry
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You can find both the spaghetti and fettuccine styles packed in water in the refrigerated section of Trader Joe's, whole foods, and some grocery stores. Make sure you get tofu shirataki, rather than the clear shirataki noodles or you will be disappointed in the texture. Here's the best part: An entire package of shirataki contains only 40 calories, all of it water-soluble fiber, which will reduce your cholesterol, lower your blood sugar, and make you feel full with less food. For recipes made with shirataki, see page 216.

Conscious Health: A Complete Guide to Wellness Through Natural Means

Ron Garner
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Infants and children thrive on raw, whole foods. When weaning babies, introduce raw fruit first, then after a while, vegetables, both of which can be pulverized and broken down in a blender, food processor, or juicer. As they grow, babies are gradually able to handle a greater variety of whole fruits and vegetables. Make this type of food a major portion of their intake, and watch the results. Further information about feeding babies and children is available in Dr. Robbins' booklet, Pregnancy, Childbirth and Children's Diet.
Your progress will depend on your determination and your ability to consistently supply your body with the necessary whole foods, detoxification, enzyme and food supplements required, so it can then do the job of healing and returning to a state of health, energy, and youthful appearance. Remember also, from chapter 13, that your body heals from the inside first, and then on to the outside. What you are going to experience in the way of noticeable progress in the beginning will be increased energy as your organs and glands become healthier. Wrinkles and sagging skin will be worked on later.

The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth: The Surprising, Unbiased Truth About What You Should Eat and Why

Jonny Bowden, Ph.D., C.N.S.
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In her excellent writing on whole foods, Rebecca Wood mentions that the leaf and stem can be prepared together or may be cooked and served separately as two different vegetables. It's also perfectly fine raw. worth knowing Swiss chard —like spinach, beets, rhubarb, and some other foods —does contain oxalates, which are not a concern for most people, but may be for those who have one type of kidney stones. Calcium oxalate kidney stones can result from excessive oxalates being absorbed through the gut and then binding with calcium in the urine and precipitating out to form the stones.
In fact, I think milk—raw, whole milk from the cows I've just described —is one of the best whole foods in the world. But I can't say the same thing about the milk we find in the typical supermarket. I realize this goes against generations of amazingly effective public-relations campaigns from the dairy industry, including the one with beautiful, healthy-looking, sexy, milk-mustachioed models smiling "got milk?" and warnings about how we will all get osteoporosis if we don't drink a quart of the stuff a day (not true), but this book is about facts, not about spin.
According to Paul Pitchford in his book Healing with Whole Foods: Asian Traditions and Modern Nutrition, microalgae exist on the edge between the plant and animal kingdoms. In addition to chlorophyll they contain protein, beta-carotene, and nucleic acids (RNA and DNA). SPIRULINA Rich with chlorophyll, protein, beta-carotene, and the beneficial fatty acid GLA (gamma-linolenic acid), spirulina also contains a pigment called phycocyanin, which has antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties and which, in one study, was shown to inhibit cancer-colony formation.
Paul Pitchford, author of the classic Healing with Whole Foods: Asian Traditions and Modern Nutrition, states that beets "tonify the yin." And according to yoga nutritional therapy, women can benefit from eating beets because they help replenish iron lost in the blood during the menstrual cycle. The Heart-Healthy Benefits of Beets Beets are an important dietary source of betaine and also a good source of folate.

Before You Take that Pill: Why the Drug Industry May Be Bad for Your Health

J. Douglas Bremner
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I will tell you later why you don't need extra vitamins and that if you stick with fresh fruit and vegetables and other whole foods, you will stay healthy. I will tell you why those making big money on vitamins and supplements are doing so at the expense of your pocketbook—and sometimes your life. All this is not to say that many medications have not changed life for the better, particularly those that treat infections. However, ironically, most recent health gains have come through increased knowledge of health risks and better health practices (i.e. prevention).

Supplement Your Prescription: What Your Doctor Doesn't Know About Nutrition

Hyla Cass, M.D.
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It's found in whole foods, such as vegetables and whole grains, and most people don't eat nearly enough of those foods. The consequences of folate depletion may include anemia, cervical dysplasia (a precursor to cervical cancer), and high homocysteine. For information on the many roles of folate, and the ways in which depletion can be harmful, turn to the section on Folic AcidVFolate on page 49. Women who become pregnant while low in folate run the risk of having a baby with serious spinal cord defects.

Dr. Gundry's Diet Evolution: Turn Off the Genes That Are Killing You - And Your Waistline - And Drop the Weight for Good

Dr. Steven R. Gundry
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Be sure to use black soybeans, not black beans, which are available at whole foods or any natural foods store.
Cocoa nibA These raw, shelled, chopped cocoa beans are available at whole foods and most natural foods stores. Cocoa powder Not to be confused with cocoa powder mix, which is sweetened. Use only non-Dutch-processed (non-alkali) products. My favorites are Dagoba and Scharffen Berger. Green powders These are great ways to get a lot of servings of vegetables into a shake or smoothie. Berry Green, Dr. Schulte's, Very Green, and Miracle Greens or Reds can all be found in natural foods stores.
Building muscle has an additional benefit: it informs your genetic programming that you're out there hauling buffalo or roots (or grass-fed beef and buffalo mozzarella Caprese salad from whole foods) back to camp after wrestling a saber-toothed tiger (or that 300-pound NFL linebacker) for your share of the kill. In other words, you're useful to keep around. THE NATURAL CHOICE I recommend free-range poultry and grass-fed beef, as their food sources are closest to those found before the advent of modern farming methods, which rely primarily on grain.

Fundamentals of Naturopathic Endocrinology

Michael Friedman, ND
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Low Glycemic Diet: A low-carbohydrate, moderate-protein, and moderate-fat diet focused on natural whole foods is a solution to hypoglycemia. A diet that consists of mainly refined foods, especially sweets, combined with deficient exercise, gets people into trouble in the first place, so a program based on whole foods, not more refined food products, is the best long-term solution. In addition, more frequent meals and/or snacks through the day is helpful in keeping blood sugar stable.

Before You Take that Pill: Why the Drug Industry May Be Bad for Your Health

J. Douglas Bremner
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The best way to avoid excess sodium in food is to buy fresh, unprocessed whole foods and prepare your own meals. If you buy canned beans and vegetables, low sodium or not, you should rinse them well, as this removes about 40% of the sodium. Pharmaceutical Solutions Americans spend $ 15 billion a year on medications to control high blood pressure. In my opinion much of this money is wasted because many of the medications prescribed cost ten times more than other, older medications that work as well or better.

The Most Effective Natural Cures on Earth: The Surprising, Unbiased Truth about What Treatments Work and Why

Jonny Bowden, Ph.D., C.N.S.
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Since we can't know for sure just what those missing elements might be, the best advice is to make your diet as rich in whole foods, antioxidants, minerals, omega-3 fats, and plant phytochemicals as possible. It's the ultimate "can't hurt, might help!" strategy.) Now Add in the Combos: Three Nutrients, Two Herbs Riboflavin (vitamin B2), magnesium, and coenzyme Q10 (CoQIO) have been researched, reviewed, and studied for their effectiveness in managing migraines. They are all good, effective alternative treatments and can help to prevent migraines.

1000 Cures for 200 Ailments: Integrated Alternative and Conventional Treatments for the Most Common Illnesses

Marshall Editions
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Base your diet on whole foods like fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, nuts, and seeds. Sprinkle ground flaxseeds on your cereal, homemade shakes, or salads. Flaxseeds contain high quantities of fiber and essential oils that help with bowel movements. Eat five or six light meals throughout the day rather than two or three large meals. If you try to eat too much fiber at one time this may put excess pressure on your intestines. Drink plenty of water, 8-10 glasses throughout the day, so that stools can pass more easily.

Stop Prediabetes Now: The Ultimate Plan to Lose Weight and Prevent Diabetes

Jack Challem
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The ancient diet of human beings consisted of whole foods, and this type of diet is what we're best suited for, biologically. In the distant past, nothing was refined or processed, and no foods came in boxes, cans, bottles, jars, or bags. There weren't any fast-food restaurants, fattening snacks, or rich desserts to tempt people. Our ancestors hunted for meat and gathered vegetables and plants. Prediabetes and overweight are major health problems today in large part because of a mismatch between our biological requirements for food and what we actually eat.

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ABOUT THE CREATOR OF NATURALPEDIA: Mike Adams, the creator of this NaturalNews Naturalpedia, is the editor of NaturalNews.com, the internet's top natural health news site, creator of the Honest Food Guide (www.HonestFoodGuide.org), a free downloadable consumer food guide based on natural health principles, author of Grocery Warning, The 7 Laws of Nutrition, Natural Health Solutions, and many other books available at www.TruthPublishing.com, creator of the earth-friendly EcoLEDs company (www.EcoLEDs.com) that manufactures energy-efficient LED lighting products, founder of Arial Software (www.ArialSoftware.com), a permission e-mail technology company, creator of the CounterThink Cartoon series (www.NaturalNews.com/index-cartoons.html) and author of over 1,500 articles, interviews, special reports and reference guides available at www.NaturalNews.com. Adams' personal philosophy and health statistics are available at www.HealthRanger.org.

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