Colony collapse disorder

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Breakthrough honeybee drugs to treat colony collapse disorder (satire) Mike Adams, the Health Ranger See article keywords and concepts

Our new drug, Buzzalin, has been clinically shown to control the symptoms of colony collapse disorder while causing no more than two percent of the bees to commit suicide," Dr. Pollen explained. Drug development tests were conducted on thousands of bees in the Midwest. Normally, 72 percent of bees suffering from colony collapse disorder become mysteriously disoriented and cannot find their way back to the hive. But after treatment with Buzzalin, 99 percent of the bees returned to the hive on their own.

Honeybee colony collapse disorder: Alternative causes still being explored Mike Adams, the Health Ranger See article keywords and concepts

He claims there is "no link between our tiny little study and the CCD phenomenon…If the Americans are looking for an explanation for colony collapse disorder, perhaps they should look at herbicides, pesticides and they should especially think about genetically modified crops. "Ever since The Independent wrote their article, for which they never called or wrote to us, none of us have been able to do any of our work because all our time has been spent in phone calls and e-mails trying to set things straight. This is a horror story for every researcher to have your study reduced to this.

A detailed, up-to-date report on colony collapse disorder can be found on the Mid-Atlantic Apiculture Research and Extension Consortium Web site at http://maarec.cas.psu.

Breakthrough honeybee drugs to treat colony collapse disorder (satire) Mike Adams, the Health Ranger See article keywords and concepts

REPPED: Following the mysterious, accelerating collapse of honeybees across North America and Europe -- a condition dubbed "Colony Collapse Disorder" -- ConPfuzer, a top pharmaceutical company, has announced a new, patented medication designed to treat the disorder by drugging honeybees with psychotropic chemicals. ConPfuzer shares rose $14 in trading today as ConPfuzer's lead pharmaceutical entomologist created quite a buzz with his explanation of how the new drug -- called "Buzzalin" -- might work. "We have discovered that honeybees are suffering from a brain chemistry disorder," said Dr. B.

Normally, 72 percent of bees suffering from colony collapse disorder become mysteriously disoriented and cannot find their way back to the hive. But after treatment with Buzzalin, 99 percent of the bees returned to the hive on their own. Unfortunately, the other one percent of bees returned carrying automatic weapons which they used against fellow bees. The event made the evening news (because violence = ratings!) but was not considered an obstacle to FDA approval because "the drug benefits outweigh its risks," according to the FDA.

Up to 80 percent of honeybees may currently suffer from symptoms of colony collapse disorder and not even know it," Dr. Podd said. "We need to set up screening and treatment centers to get these bees the medicine they need. No bee should be left untreated," he said. But some skeptics questioned the need for using mental health drugs on honeybees. When ConPfuzer's Dr. Pollen was asked how such simple, tiny brains could be diagnosed with a behavioral disorder, he offered a stinging response. "No brain is too small to understand the need for psychiatric medicine!

Behind closed doors, Big Pharma executives are drooling over the market opportunities that have emerged from colony collapse disorder. After successfully drugging most humans and pets through a campaign of medical domination, pharmaceutical companies have been looking into new markets for expansion. "Insects appear to be the next great frontier in pharmaceutical profits," proclaimed one press release sent out by the PHARMA trade group. "We see huge market opportunites in honeybees, spiders, ants and bed mites.

Click here to read our previous article on colony collapse disorder or click here to read the Wikipedia entry.

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