how to

How to let go of painful, negative relationships

Friday, August 16, 2013 by: Mike Bundrant
Tags: letting go, anger, relationships

eTrust Pro Certified

Delicious Pin It
(NaturalNews) Would you voluntarily hop into a cage with an angry chimpanzee then wonder how you got stuck with the beast?

This chimp is about to attack me! Why should I have to put up with this?

You don't. You put yourself there by choice.

Maybe I can do something to calm this beast down so we can be friends.

Sorry. There may be a few professionals on this earth with enough training and skill to do that, but not you. And trained professionals wouldn't put themselves in harm's way like this.

Still, there must be something I can do.

Yes, get out before you get hurt and don't ever do that again!

Get out? I can't do that! The chimp might get lonely. Besides, he shouldn't be acting that way, so I insist that he change.

Good luck.

It's so obvious, but is it really?

This is exactly what we do. We set ourselves up for rejection and pain, then insist that it should not be happening or that we can change the other person. Some people repeat this pattern for a lifetime. I've done my share of this.

Seeking the approval of negative people can be an emotional addiction. It approaches insanity in many cases. I know this addictive path intimately, as I walked it for decades with my older brother.

My brother and I are not close and never have been, even when we shared a room as children. As the younger brother, I sought his approval in a thousand ways, trying to emulate him so he would like me. It never happened.

As an adult, I soldiered on, but still never got the approval I was seeking. Yet, I insisted on trying. It felt like my duty.

But we are brothers! We should be friends.

This was my mantra, but that did not make a loving, brother-to-brother relationship any more likely.

It takes two to create a relationship and when one party has no interest, that's all she wrote.

Only after many, many years of painful and fruitless effort did I realize that seeking the approval of anyone - even a brother - who is predisposed to disapproval is equal to seeking yet another rejection.

This was my psychological attachment. My mind would churn on this for days at a time. How can this be? Then, I'd set myself up to get knocked down again.

The price we pay for keeping negative relationships

The toll is chronic rejection, worry and stress. When you engage people that consistently respond negatively, you produce negative thoughts and feelings within yourself that are embedded into every cell of your body. It is especially painful when the other party is an immediate relative: a parent, spouse, sibling or even your own child.

You can carry around the negativity in the form of painful emotions, disbelief, emotional shock and stress. It adversely affects your attitude, positive relationships, and your entire future.

It amazes me that - even so - we still insist that because something should be different, that it will be different.

What would happen if you let go?

Stop seeking approval. Stop worrying what the other person thinks. Stop trying to take care of this person who can take care of himself. Stop, and get on with your life.

It boils down to grief

Admitting that you are powerless to change the other person and make everything okay brings on the realization that you will never get what you've always wanted from this person: love, respect, reciprocity and companionship.

It hurts. Facing this loss, at long last, is very difficult. Giving up the powerful fantasy of how life should be is an acute loss of something you've wanted since perhaps the day you were born.

Still, the grief is necessary. And there is good news. Grieving leads to letting go, at last, and healing. Gone is the frustration of unmet expectations. Gone is the worry. Gone are all the endless manipulations to make things better.

Soon enough, you'll accept things as they are and realize that this is a more peaceful and respectful way of being - respectful of yourself and to the other. You are no longer requiring something that the other is not interested in or capable of delivering. All the pressure is off both of you.

In many cases, expecting something different than you are getting is like showing up and demanding, "I'd like you to turn yourself into someone else."

It's selfish to require this, when it comes down to it.

Getting to these realizations where it counts in your life is hard. It can feel like someone is ripping your heart out.

Yet, it is not nearly as hard as living for decades in a state of rejection, disappointment, resentment and stress. In fact, hanging onto painful relationships is a form of self-sabotage. For more on self-sabotage, watch this free video.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.

The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.

Follow Mike on Facebook for daily personal development tips.

Get breaking news alerts on GMOs, fluoride, superfoods, natural cures and more...
Join over four million monthly readers. Email privacy 100% protected. Unsubscribe at any time.

Have comments on this article? Post them here:

comments powered by Disqus

Take Action: Support

Email this article to a friend

Permalink to this article:

Reprinting this article: Non-commercial use OK, cite with clickable link.

Embed article link: (copy HTML code below):
Most Popular
Today | Week | Month | Year

See all Top Headlines...


Now Available at

O3 Essentials OraJuvenate™
A powerful, cleansing dental cream for maximum oral/dental health.
New Cancer Solutions
Over 3 hours of content covering today’s best cancer tests, how to kill cancer cells and the best diets and exercise routines.
Freeze-Dried 100% Organic Whole Corn
Our freeze-drying method preserves taste, texture and nutrients better than any other food preservation method ever invented.
Fenix TK35 Flashlight
Tough, waterproof, extremely bright and it’s touted to throw an 800+ lumen beam more than 1,000 feet into the night.
Inca Treasure Smoothie Pack
This pack of our four most popular superfoods from South America is the perfect combo pack for smoothie lovers.
Pink Himalayan Salt
This salt delivers significant levels of magnesium, zinc and selenium, with trace levels of dozens of other elements.
Pinhole Glasses - Aviator Style
Pinhole glasses are becoming famous for helping people improve their vision without the risks of laser surgery.
Oxy-Rich Facial Serum
O3 Essentials Jojoba Oxy-Rich Facial Serum is cellular nourishment for your skin. Helps smooth fine lines while enhancing tissue elasticity.
Freeze-Dried 100% Blackberry Halves
Our freeze-dried blackberry halves are grown in Serbia under strict organic standards.

Also on NaturalNews:

Health Ranger Videos
Activist music
CounterThink Cartoons
Food documentaries
FREE Special Reports
Colloidal Silver

Advertise with NaturalNews...

Support NaturalNews Sponsors:

Advertise with NaturalNews...

Most Popular Stories

Flu shot kills 19-year-old, but vaccine industry still has total immunity against lawsuits
Here's a nutty fact: Eating more tree nuts lowers the risk of all-cause death by up to 20 percent
Six important facts you're not being told about lost Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 now clearly a government cover-up: All evidence contradicts official story
10 other companies that use the same Subway yoga mat chemical in their buns
BLM fracking racket exposed! Armed siege and cattle theft from Bundy ranch really about fracking leases
High-dose vitamin C injections shown to annihilate cancer
U.S. treating meat with ammonia, bleach and antibiotics to kill the '24-hour sickness'
USDA to allow U.S. to be overrun with contaminated chicken from China
Vaccine fraud exposed: Measles and mumps making a huge comeback because vaccines are designed to fail, say Merck virologists
Battle for humanity nearly lost: global food supply deliberately engineered to end life, not nourish it
Diet soda, aspartame linked to premature deaths in women

25 Amazing Facts About Food

This FREE downloadable report unveils a collection of astonishing and little-known facts about the food we eat very day. Click here to read it now...


Resveratrol and its Effects on Human Health and Longevity - Myth or Miracle.

Unlock the secrets of cellular health with the "miracle" nutrient Resveratrol Click here to read it now...


Nutrition Can Save America

FREE online report shows how we can save America through a nutrition health care revolution. "Eating healthy is patriotic!" Click here to read it now...

The Healing Power of Sunlight and Vitamin D

In this exclusive interview, Dr. Michael Holick reveals fascinating facts on how vitamin D is created and used in the human body to ward off chronic diseases like cancer, osteoporosis, mental disorders and more. Click here to read it now...

Vaccines: Get the Full Story

The International Medical Council on Vaccination has released, exclusively through, a groundbreaking document containing the signatures of physicians, brain surgeons and professors, all of which have signed on to a document stating that vaccines pose a significant risk of harm to the health of children. Click here to read it now...

Health Ranger Storable Organics

GMO-free, chemical-free foods and superfoods for long-term storage and preparedness. See selection at

Recommended Resources On:

Natural News trends
Health Ranger news
Natural News GMOs
Mike Adams tracker
Natural News photos
Natural News Global
Natural News in focus
Natural News connect
Natural News shocking stories
Natural News radar
Health freedom
Dr. Paul Offit

This site is part of the Natural News Network © 2014 All Rights Reserved. Privacy | Terms All content posted on this site is commentary or opinion and is protected under Free Speech. Truth Publishing International, LTD. is not responsible for content written by contributing authors. The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Truth Publishing assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms and those published here. All trademarks, registered trademarks and servicemarks mentioned on this site are the property of their respective owners.

eTrust Pro Certified Android app on Google Play

Sign up for the FREE Natural News Email Newsletter

Receive breaking news on GMOs, vaccines, fluoride, radiation protection, natural cures, food safety alerts and interviews with the world's top experts on natural health and more.

Join over 7 million monthly readers of, the internet's No. 1 natural health news site. (Source:

Your email address *

Please enter the code you see above*

No Thanks

Already have it and love it!

Natural News supports and helps fund these organizations:

* Required. Once you click submit, we will send you an email asking you to confirm your free registration. Your privacy is assured and your information is kept confidential. You may unsubscribe at anytime.