(NaturalNews) It's sheer genius. Never doubt the brilliance of the democratic party when it comes to national defense. President Barack Obama has announced the immediate deployment of a west coast network of "Nuke Free Zone" signs that will prevent nukes from striking America is exactly the same way "Gun Free Zone" signs stop school shootings.
"It's time we took action to ensure the safety of American citizens," Obama declared at a Friday press conference, during which he held up the new "Nuke Free Zone" signs for everyone to see. "And to the American people, I say your government is protecting you, putting your tax dollars to work for the noble cause of self-preservation."
California Sen. Dianne Feinstein was quick to applaud the measure, citing the importance of "doing something constructive" to protect America from the nuclear threats of Kim Jong-Un, the leftist dictatorial leader of North Korea who was first given nuclear fuel refining technology by the USA.
Nuke Free Zone signs being made in China to save taxpayer money
The "Nuke Free Zone" signs will be made in China using slave labor camps and will be purchased in quantities of 1.6 billion at a time by the Department of Homeland Security in order to "significantly reduce costs," says the White House.
U.S. citizens will be encouraged to place the Nuke Free Zone signs on the roofs of their homes so that they are visible via satellite, thereby deterring nuclear-tipped ICBMs from targeting their homes.
U.S. Vice President Joe Biden at first didn't understand how the signs would work. He publicly asked, "How will the signs work if they are written in English but the Koreans read only Korean?" White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to respond with an explanation: "The power of Nuke Free Zone signs transcends all language because they are blessed by our dear leader, Barack Jong Obama-Un."
New York governor furious that no signs are being deployed in his state
Not everyone loves the idea of the signs being deployed on the west coast, however. New York Governor Cuomo was furious to learn that no Nuke Free Zone signs would be provided to cover New York.
"Are New Yorkers not worth saving from North Korean nukes?" He asked in a public speech. "We demand Nuke Free Zone signs be deployed across our great state, otherwise the nukes that are diverted from California's use of Nuke Free Zone signs may end up landing in New York."
New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he planned to "eat all the signs" and thereby transform into a "living human Nuke Free Zone."
Former White House press secretary Robert Gibbs also weighed in on the issue, saying, "There is no North Korean nuclear program." He then added, "...even though the program exists."
When InfoWars.com founder Alex Jones warned Americans that, "Signs do not have magical powers and they will not stop intercontinental ballistic missiles," he was immediately blasted as a "fear mongering conspiracy theorist" by NPR, which accused Jones of "ginning up fear for personal profit."
Jones was later accused by the New York Times of, "Obviously working for North Korea because he doesn't want Americans to protect themselves with Nuke Free Zone signs."
North Korea response to Nuke Free Zone sign announcement
The response from North Korea's military has been unfortunate. "We must hurry and launch these nuclear missiles before the Nuke Free Zone signs are erected," said a top North Korean military official earlier today. "Otherwise our plans will have been foiled by Obama yet again."
It is not yet known who can act more quickly: China's slave labor factories that are manufacturing the Nuke Free Zone signs, or North Korean's long-range rocket scientists who are still trying to figure out how to light the rockets' fuses while having enough time to run away before ignition. Either way, it's clearly a high-stakes arms race that has captured the attention of the world.
Credit: The idea of "Nuke Free Zone" signs was first mentioned by Anthony Gucciardi at StoryLeak.com. I thought the idea was so hilarious, I ran with it and wrote my own parody using the same basic idea. Enjoy!
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