(NaturalNews) Dear fellow junk food aficionados: A great chapter of American history is coming to an end. The Texas-based Hostess company, the producer of Twinkies, Ho Ho's and other fine pastries, has been gutted by a union dispute and is closing its doors for good. A total of 18,500 people will lose their jobs, but even more catastrophically, we will no longer have Twinkies!Hostess Brands Inc. today announced that it is winding down operations and has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court seeking permission to close its business and sell its assets, including its iconic brands and facilities. Bakery operations have been suspended at all plants,
says a statement
on the Hostess Brands website.
This is devastating news for America.
It means we can no longer sit around our couches as happy slobs, eating off one end of a Twinkie and sucking the sugary goodness out of it like a human junk food suction machine.
It means we can no longer eat away our emotional pain on a lonely Friday night through the "self medication" of three boxes of chocolate creamy Ho Ho's.
It means the nationwide supply of Ding Dongs is now limited to the knuckleheads running things in Washington D.C. (And you can't eat them, unfortunately.)
Twinkies flying off the shelves as Americans prepare for the junk food apocalypse
In response to the news that Hostess is shutting down all operations, many Americans have found the strength to somehow get off their couches and march out to their local Wal-Marts and grocery stores where they are clearing the shelves of all Hostess products.
This brave action of "junk food preparedness" is the last stage before the coming "Twinkie apocalypse."
"I got the last Chocolate Donettes from the Shell in Oak Park..." wrote junk food fan Rani Morrison on her Facebook page
. "Walgreens by my job are already out," she added.
Another junk food revolutionary wrote, "I just cleaned out the Dominick's in Bartlett."
Forget about food, water, ammo and emergency first aid: Hurry and buy some Twinkies to save your souls while you still can!
Without Hostess Twinkies, what is there worth living for anyway?
The Twinkie Rescue Executive Order
Just as Hostess is closing, the CDC is reporting that diabetes rates have doubled across 18 U.S. states
. It would be terribly, terribly sad to see this record-setting race to runaway disease come to an end, which is why I am going to petition the White House to issue a "Twinkie Rescue Executive Order."
This executive order would ask the federal government to turn the Hostess factory into a FEMA camp, then round up all union workers at gunpoint, "detain" them indefinitely under the NDAA and force them into hard labor producing Hostess / FEMA Twinkies for the good of America.
Twinkies should then be distributed to all Americans under a new federal nutrition program. All emergency FEMA foods should be replaced with Twinkies, and school lunch programs across America should be replaced with Twinkie lunches.
It is time to restore America's cuisine greatness! Say YES to the Twinkie Rescue Executive Order! Say YES to the government's taking charge of Hostess and turning it into a prison camp production system. Say YES to happiness and abundance for all! And say YES to a hundred more years of diabetes and Big Pharma medications that destroy our livers and bankrupt our families! YES! YES! YES!
We are Americans! We have the God-given right to suck Twinkies! And let no man stand in our way or we will drool on them.