(NaturalNews) Dear fellow junk food aficionados: A great chapter of American history is coming to an end. The Texas-based Hostess company, the producer of Twinkies, Ho Ho's and other fine pastries, has been gutted by a union dispute and is closing its doors for good. A total of 18,500 people will lose their jobs, but even more catastrophically, we will no longer have Twinkies!
Hostess Brands Inc. today announced that it is winding down operations and has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court seeking permission to close its business and sell its assets, including its iconic brands and facilities. Bakery operations have been suspended at all plants, says a statement on the Hostess Brands website.
This is devastating news for America.
It means we can no longer sit around our couches as happy slobs, eating off one end of a Twinkie and sucking the sugary goodness out of it like a human junk food suction machine.
It means we can no longer eat away our emotional pain on a lonely Friday night through the "self medication" of three boxes of chocolate creamy Ho Ho's.
It means the nationwide supply of Ding Dongs is now limited to the knuckleheads running things in Washington D.C. (And you can't eat them, unfortunately.)
Twinkies flying off the shelves as Americans prepare for the junk food apocalypse
In response to the news that Hostess is shutting down all operations, many Americans have found the strength to somehow get off their couches and march out to their local Wal-Marts and grocery stores where they are clearing the shelves of all Hostess products.
This brave action of "junk food preparedness" is the last stage before the coming "Twinkie apocalypse."
Another junk food revolutionary wrote, "I just cleaned out the Dominick's in Bartlett."
Forget about food, water, ammo and emergency first aid: Hurry and buy some Twinkies to save your souls while you still can! Without Hostess Twinkies, what is there worth living for anyway?
The Twinkie Rescue Executive Order
Just as Hostess is closing, the CDC is reporting that diabetes rates have doubled across 18 U.S. states. It would be terribly, terribly sad to see this record-setting race to runaway disease come to an end, which is why I am going to petition the White House to issue a "Twinkie Rescue Executive Order."
This executive order would ask the federal government to turn the Hostess factory into a FEMA camp, then round up all union workers at gunpoint, "detain" them indefinitely under the NDAA and force them into hard labor producing Hostess / FEMA Twinkies for the good of America.
Twinkies should then be distributed to all Americans under a new federal nutrition program. All emergency FEMA foods should be replaced with Twinkies, and school lunch programs across America should be replaced with Twinkie lunches.
It is time to restore America's cuisine greatness! Say YES to the Twinkie Rescue Executive Order! Say YES to the government's taking charge of Hostess and turning it into a prison camp production system. Say YES to happiness and abundance for all! And say YES to a hundred more years of diabetes and Big Pharma medications that destroy our livers and bankrupt our families! YES! YES! YES!
We are Americans! We have the God-given right to suck Twinkies! And let no man stand in our way or we will drool on them.
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About the author: Mike Adams is a natural health author and award-winning journalist with a passion for teaching people how to improve their health He has authored more than 1,800 articles and dozens of reports, guides and interviews on natural health topics, and he has created several downloadable courses on survival and preparedness, including his widely-downloaded course on personal safety and self-defense. Adams is an independent journalist with strong ethics who does not get paid to write articles about any product or company. In 2010, Adams co-founded NaturalNews.com, a natural health video sharing site that has now grown in popularity. He also founded an environmentally-friendly online retailer called BetterLifeGoods.com that uses retail profits to help support consumer advocacy programs. He's also a noted technology pioneer and founded a software company in 1993 that developed the HTML email newsletter software currently powering the NaturalNews subscriptions. Adams also serves as the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a non-profit consumer protection group, and practices nature photography, Capoeira, martial arts and organic gardening. He's also author of numerous health books published by Truth Publishing and is the creator of several consumer-oriented grassroots campaigns, including the Spam. Don't Buy It! campaign, and the free downloadable Honest Food Guide. He also created the free reference sites HerbReference.com and HealingFoodReference.com. Adams believes in free speech, free access to nutritional supplements and the ending of corporate control over medicines, genes and seeds. Known by his callsign, the 'Health Ranger,' Adams posts his missions statements, health statistics and health photos at www.HealthRanger.org
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Friday, November 16, 2012
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