Everything you need to know about self-confidence

Saturday, November 10, 2012 by: Mike Bundrant
Tags: self-confidence, tips, techniques

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(NaturalNews) Do you need greater self-confidence to pursue the life you want?

You can have it, regardless of past failures or how much you doubt yourself in the present.

How can I be so sure? Because I understand the cornerstone principles upon which self-confidence is based. By the end of this article, you will understand these principles as well.

Once you get the four cornerstones of self-confidence, all you need to do is put them in place. It is that simple! If you read invest a little thought by doing the self-assessment at the end of this article, it will be well worth your while.

The four cornerstones of self-confidence

True confidence doesn't come from a technique, but by putting the four cornerstones in place. When the cornerstones are there, the foundation is solid and self-confidence is the inevitable result.

Self-confidence is like the framing of your house. It doesn't matter which technique the framer used to drive nails. The brand name of the tools and even the contractor's education don't matter, either.

What matters is whether or not the framework was assembled correctly. If principles of architectural integrity were properly employed, you have something solid.

Deep and lasting self-confidence is the same. Confidence does not come from self-help techniques, but from principles that you must apply, regardless of any additional self-confidence techniques you use. Here are four cornerstone principles to apply to each situation in your life where you need greater self-confidence.

Here are the four cornerstones:

1. Self-confidence grows in relation to skill

Imagine being asked to pilot a Boeing 777 with a full cabin full of passengers. Your confidence to perform the task should directly relate to your successful training and experience (competence). On a scale of 1-10, your level of confidence might look something like this, roughly:

10 - Trained commercial pilot with experience
8 - Trained commercial pilot with limited experience
6 - Highly experienced private pilot (small jets)
3 - Private pilot who flies Cessna aircraft
0 - Average person with no training or experience

If you isolate the competence factor, it makes perfect sense. You are confident to the degree you are competent. It is impossible to be confident doing something important that you simply do not know how to do.

All else being equal, you will be more confident snow skiing if you are skilled at snow skiing. You'll feel more at ease while public speaking if you have developed the communication skills that apply. You will be very confident making friends with new people if you have learned and practiced what works to make new friends. Simple!

Competence alone does not guarantee self-confidence because this is only one of the four cornerstones. If the other three are not in place, competence will not be enough. However, competence is a very influential factor. If you are not competent to do something you feel is important, you cannot enjoy full confidence doing it.

2. Self-confidence is measured by size of the container

Is a gallon a lot of milk? That depends. It would be a lot for a toddler to drink at lunch. It would be too little for 1000 toddlers to drink at lunch. A gallon of milk is an overwhelming amount to place in a thimble. It seems like a mere drop if you pour it into a milk tanker.

If amounts of physical things are relative, self-confidence is even more so. Do you have a lot of self-confidence? That depends on what you are planning to do with it. How large are your ambitions? Are you attempting to tie your shoes or run a country?

The confidence you need is proportional to the size of the task.

I have a lot of confidence speaking in front of a few people. When I consider speaking in front of thousands of people, that confidence wears pretty thin. Even though I might speak the same words, the larger context changes my confidence dramatically.

We can apply this idea to a variety of situations. I might be comfortable running a department, but not a whole company. I might feel fine taking on a new goal, but not three. I feel confident that I can generate a few thousand extra dollars this month, but not a few million. With confidence, context matters. The smaller the relative size, the less confidence is required to fill the need.

3. How you see others affects your confidence

Over the years I have worked with a lot of people who fear public speaking. Most scare themselves by holding a terrifying image of their audience. They imagine being in front of the room, being stared at by big-eyed, zombie-like creatures who are judging them critically.

However, when see individual audience members as real, living, breathing people, you tend to relax. Seeing others as people is a cornerstone of genuine self-confidence because others are an integral part of your life. As soon as you begin to see others as less than real (or as objects), your anxiety increases and self-confidence decreases.

Have you ever been nervous around someone whom you had on a pedestal? Then, when you discovered their weaknesses, mistakes or limitations, you gained more confidence around them, right? When you see others as the real, vulnerable human beings they actually are, your confidence increases. This is genuine confidence, not the confidence that tries to be better than others, but the confidence that can identify and connect with others.

4. Self-confidence is tied to personal beliefs

The fourth and final cornerstone of self-confidence is a belief system that allows for it. Beliefs act as a lens through which you see the world and can either encourage or discourage confidence. Imagine putting on an imaginary pair of eyeglasses that installed a belief lens through which you see the world.

Imagine looking through glasses with the lens: I am a decent and worthwhile person. This kind of belief fosters confidence for sure. Also try: I have a lot to contribute, another confidence builder.

When your belief lenses are I can't do anything right or I am worthless your confidence disappears, even if all the other cornerstones are in place. A deep, negative belief can undercut them all and leave you without hope of success.

Holding mixed beliefs produces mixed results. It is possible for a human being to believe contradictory ideas. You may believe that you are both worthless and worthwhile. Contradictory beliefs compete with each other. While you are feeling worthwhile, you move forward with confidence. As soon as the negative belief comes into play, your confidence sours and you may sabotage yourself.

Self-confidence doesn't happen because of some whiz-bang self-help method. It is created by putting into place the four cornerstones.

Your confidence will overflow when:

1. You are competent to do the task before you.
2. The size, context or scope of the task is within your comfort zone.
3. You see others involved as real people like you.
4. Your personal beliefs encourage you.

Assess self-confidence to know where you need to improve

Choose a task or personal goal that is important to you. Then, rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each of the cornerstone areas. If you look at statements 1-4 above, how true are they for you in the area of your goal? Give each area a score.

A perfect score of 40 means you should enjoy incredible confidence (if you don't, then you fooled yourself in your assessment). Which areas need improvement? Identifying where your weakness comes from is the first step toward resolution.

About the author:
Watch the free video The AHA! Process: An End to Self-Sabotage and discover the lost keys to personal transformation and emotional well-being that have been suppressed by mainstream mental health for decades.

The information in this video has been called the missing link in mental health and personal development. In a world full of shallow, quick-fix techniques, second rate psychology and pharmaceutical takeovers, real solutions have become nearly impossible to find. Click here to watch the presentation that will turn your world upside down.

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center and host of Mental Health Exposed, a Natural News Radio program.

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