(NaturalNews) Just when I thought I had the holidays off, the TSA does something stupid (again) that demands, at the very least, a satirical response. This time it wasn't the TSA checking the diapers of infants for "poop bombs" (http://www.naturalnews.com/032805_TSA_childr...), nor molesting your 90-year-old grandmother in her wheelchair (http://www.naturalnews.com/032827_TSA_adult_...). In this case, it was the TSA confiscating a cupcake after claiming the icing posed a threat to national security.
As TheBostonChannel.com reports, Rebecca Hains was stopped by a TSA "officer" (actually, a public servant who probably barely graduated from high school) who "pulled her aside and said the cupcake frosting was 'gel-like' enough to constitute a security risk." (http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/3006244...)
The maker of the cupcakes, the Wicked Good Cupcakes company of Cohasset, Massachusetts, had a good answer to all this: "Apparently we're a tasty, terrorist threat."
Or maybe the TSA agent at the scene was just a pathetic slob who craves processed sugar and figures the "confiscation of free food from passengers" is one of their job benefits. Do you really think they don't EAT that cupcake in the back room? How do you think all those TSA agents become so obese, anyway?
TSA spokesman Nico Melendez said, "I have a lousy job defending a criminal organization staffed by a pathetic bunch of sugar-cravings pigs." Oops, that's only what Nico said in my wildest dreams. In reality, Nico actually said the TSA is "reviewing the situation." They're all sampling the cupcake, in other words, to find out if it's really chocolate.
TSA in review
In addition to confiscating cupcakes, molesting grandmas, stealing valuable electronics and terrorizing innocent travelers by dropping fake bags of cocaine in their luggage, what has the TSA actually accomplished in terms of national security?
• NOT ONE terrorist has ever been caught by the TSA. Not a single one.
• The civil rights of Americans have been grossly violated by the TSA on an ongoing basis.
• The TSA has served as a model for other tyrannical regimes around the world who are now copying the TSA's tactics for their own inhumane police squads.
• The U.S. tourism industry has seen its revenue plummet thanks to the TSA, effectively putting tens of thousands of people out of work and making the USA the laughing stock of the world.
• The TSA has grown to become a bloated, criminal-minded group of thuggish, bumbling tyrants who now number more than 65,000, making it larger than the Dept. of Labor, Dept. of Education, Dept. of Energy and the State Department combined!
To real cops, real FBI agents and real law enforcement officers, TSA screeners are a complete joke. But they are hungry, so you may have to hide any delicious-looking foods to prevent TSA agents from "confiscating" them.
"That there ice cream cone looks like it could be a bomb," says a TSA goon. "Is it chocolate chip?"
Who are the TSA? They're rejects scraped from the bottom of the barrel of society
Help-wanted ads for TSA officers are run on pizza boxes (http://consumerist.com/2010/07/tsa-advertise...) and in convenience stores, attracting the lowest of the lowest scum that trolls the streets of America looking for a purpose in life (or at least a paycheck until they figure that out). In the TSA, they get to "play cops" by wearing fake badges and official-looking costumes. They get to act with a sense of artificial power, much like Nazi neighborhood watch agents who strapped on "SS" armbands in the early 1940's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranks_and_insig...).
In the Nazi spy-on-your-neighbor program, you could be a "Block Operations Foreman," and "Area Leader" or even a "Supreme Department Leader." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:NaziArmban...) In the TSA, wearing your fake costume makes you an instant "officer" even though you've had no law enforcement training.
One U.S. Congresswoman is now publicly insisting that TSA staffers should "stop impersonating federal officers." She's introducing a bill that would strip the TSA of its badges and federal-looking uniforms, given that TSA agents receive absolutely no law enforcement training of any kind (and are mostly staffed by complete zombie-headed, pharmaceutically-intoxicated idiots).
Personally, I think we should force TSA screeners to wear clown costumes, which would be an accurate statement on what they really are.
Why do Americans tolerate tyranny?
That the TSA even continues to exist is a disturbing statement about the public's tolerance for tyranny. Why do the American sheeple just line up and go through these security checkpoints without uttering a rebellious word? Because they've all been terrorized into silence by the very system that claims to be stopping terrorism. In reality, the TSA screeners are the terrorists! Cupcake-munching, diaper-sniffing, grandma-molesting terrorists, to be exact.
Who needs Al-Qaeda to scare Americans when the TSA does it every single day? In fact, it's the government that drops chemical weapons into the water supply (sodium fluoride, a potent mind-altering chemical), allows deadly chemicals in the food supply (aspartame, MSG, explosive hexane solvents, etc.) and subjects millions of travelers each year to cancer-causing radiation with their naked body scanners.
Thanks to the TSA, the U.S. government has accomplished what the terrorists never could: Obliterating the sense of freedom and liberty across the fabric of America. George W. Bush once famously said, "The terrorists hate us because we're free."
Guess they don't hate us anymore, huh? Now we're just another police state like Egypt, Libya, or Saudi Arabia. But at least our terrorists are all well fed, even though our TSA agents are all dying from cancer, thanks to the radiation from those naked body scanners.
Maybe the TSA "Help Wanted" ads should read something like this:
HELP WANTED: TSA SECURITY OFFICER. FREE cupcakes and birthday cakes on an hourly basis. Get a badge and an official-looking uniform. Intimidate innocent people. Molest little girls. Harass everyone around you just like you did in high school! No education needed! Great government benefits, including free cancer screenings and a government retirement program that will pay you huge monthly benefits if the government doesn't go broke first! Gloat over naked body scanner images of celebrities! It's fun, food and fantasy all rolled into one! Apply now at TSA.gov!
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