(NaturalNews) You only have one precious life to live, so I'd advise you to do as the mysterious and macho Dos Equis beer man says: Make it Enough! So, if you heed the following prescription for all the health and happiness you really deserve, you are sure to bounce through life with all the vitality of a blown out sneaker, which will make it easier to embrace death. After all, this is as good as it gets, folks! Here are seven timeless tips for generating all the passion for living that can possibly be expected under the circumstances.
1. Take the advice of your psychiatrist.
If you're feeling down, you can trust your psychiatrist, not only to understand the infinite complexity of your tired and confused nervous system, but also know just the right drug to order. After all, he is required by the APA to prescribe drugs per the recommendations of the pharmaceutical companies, so he won't take any chances with your emotional well-being or his medical license! Your trusted psychiatrist will also steer you away from non-conventional approaches to feeling good promoted by people that don't even have enough money to bribe a lowly congressman or stage phony research!
OK? Don't doubt the emotional health professionals! And here is another source of wisdom that is sure to keep your mind sharp.
2. Drink from the mass media's fountain of truth.
Have you ever been to New York's Rockefeller Center? It is so impressive! Have you stood in awe at the foot of the News Corporation tower? These cultural icons represent the rigorous search for truth and have earned their positions as necessary information filters for the masses. After all, given their utter objectivity, neutrality and lack of hidden agendas, these ever present guardians of truth offer the only perspectives you need to understand.
Sure, the mass media make billions of dollars for crafting stories, and if you aren't careful, you may begin to question why some independent voices with less money and government connection tend to get filtered out, but don't go there! It is pointless anyway. Better to stick with the norms that you've picked up along the way per tip #3.
3. Live up to the expectations of your teachers and professors.
For the most part your school teachers and professors are excellent role models, especially the ones that have achieved tenure! They have climbed to the enviable position in life that protects them from having to earn their keep no matter how intellectually lethargic they have become. If this isn't success, I'm not sure what is!
You can trust your teachers to fill your head with all the principles that will drive you toward an appropriate amount of success. If you apply yourself, you'll learn how to read at up to a 6th grade level on average! Forget the thrilling academic prospects, though. The most important lesson you'll learn in school is to conform. You've got to stifle that inner voice of yours that wants to really question things. Nothing could be more useful than conformity in protecting yourself from any wild and dangerous tendencies toward independent thinking. Independent thought leads to an independent will, which is extremely dangerous to the status quo. Don't trust it!
Are you with me? Teachers, psychiatrists and the media point your mind the the right direction. If your physical health should falter, however, then tip #4 delivers advice heeded by millions.
After all, doctors attend medical school where they teach the most important elements of health and wellness. You can trust your doctor with your life! After all, where else can you turn? Surely you don't think you can learn enough to know what is best for your body!
Nope, your doc knows all the latest drugs and government sanctioned remedies. After all, pharmaceutical giants spend billions on drug research and trustworthy government organizations are in place to ensure all the data is accurate and that the medicine running through your veins is doing just what they intend. Don't bother educating yourself about health. When something goes wrong, your doc will have a pill or several pills that are sure to enhance each other's healing properties.
If your doctor doesn't have the answer or if he tells you it is all in your head; even if you are informed that you only have six months to live, then that is the end of the discussion. Sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles. And don't be upset with the doctor about his bedside manner. Doctors aren't required to be thoughtful and compassionate. Never question this! Who are you, anyway? Besides, you have more important things to worry about, like tip #5.
5. Work for the weekend.
Now we're getting to the real juice in life. It's all about the coming weekend, my friends! Unfortunately, you've got to make it through your miserable workweek at your dreadful 9-5. I know, I know. You aren't doing what you love five days out of seven. You dread the work environment and tell yourself daily that you can't go on like this. First of all, stop complaining, man! This is just "how it is." Don't even think about living up to your potential, fulfilling your destiny or even finding meaningful work. This line of thinking is for dreamers and crackpots or people who just got lucky somehow.
Anyway, not to worry! Wednesday is hump day and you'll soon be thanking God it's Friday. Next Monday, the day of the week on which you are most likely to have a heart attack toward the end of your career, is miles away. Soon, you'll be reveling in your true life purpose, as revealed in tip #6.
6. Party hardy!
It's Miller Time, pal! This is what its all about - what makes it all worthwhile. Sit back, drink a few brewskies, play some loud music and pretend you never grew up. In fact, you didn't! You've conformed to all expectations, taken your medicine, done what you are told and trusted the powers that be. You're like an obedient child. Of course, you're inevitably feeling powerless to choose your own destiny (or even control your behavior) and, if you're not careful and pay too close attention to yourself, you'll realize that you are totally pissed off!
So it is critical that you channel all that angst into some hard core partying. Pretend to live the pretended lives of people on TV, especially the beer commercials and sitcoms. Being swept away by loud music, exaggerated laughter and heavy booze is like applying salve to your emotional wounds. The existential angst you feel - wondering what it all means and how you will ever discover your purpose in life - is safely drowned in all the distraction and won't surface again until Monday morning. Wohoo!
7. Don't ask why.
Sh** happens. Life's a bitch and then you die. These cultural maxims have been branded into your consciousness for a reason - to save you from having to learn to get out of the rut you live in. Don't ask why. Following the accepted protocol is how you are most useful to society. The minute you begin to believe that something more is possible, you are on your own. Who wants to take that risk?
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