Nine airline passengers have filed a $1.3 million lawsuit against the tuberculosis man who cavorted around the world on a plane even after being told he was infected with a rare strain of TB. I'm not sure who takes the idiot prize on this one: The guy who hopped on a plane after learning he was carrying an infectious disease, or the nine passengers with suppressed immune systems who didn't even get TB but who still blame everyone else for their imagined problems. The only poetic justic in this story is that the TB guy is a personal injury lawyer, so he probably deserves to be named in a frivolous
lawsuit.
In a related story, a Little Rock, Arkansas man smashed a hospital window in order to flee the hospital that was detaining him due to his own
tuberculosis infection. The 50-year-old man apparently had no
health insurance and couldn't afford treatment, so decided to escape to Cuba where he would be provided basic health services at no cost.
Look mommie, a half-naked Viagra bear!
An 11-year-old
child recently won a Viagra bear in a game at a Red Robin restaurant in Minneapolis, reports a local TV station. The cuddly bear sported a Viagra T-shirt but no pants. (It was a HALF-NAKED Viagra bear!) The child's
parents were so disturbed by the event that they popped some
Prozac and warned the child, "Just say no to
medication for erectile dysfunction!"
Red Robin restaurants have pulled the Viagra bears from their game machines, replacing them with Prozac Pistols that let children simulate violent school shootings after taking psychotropic medications.
The
FDA has approved a new Alzheimer's patch that delivers brain-saving
drugs through the skin. The agency was so thrilled by the performance of the
drug that they not only approved it, they MANDATED its use on anyone with poor
brain function. A massive shipment of the
skin patches are now on their way to the U.S. Senate, House of Representatives and the White House where it is hoped that the drug-laced skin patches will either restore normal
brain function or remove some politicians from office due to toxic side effects.
Branding patients like cattle, American style!
The American Medical Association has publicly announced its support for the microchipping of patients using tiny
RFID transmitters injected under the skin. An
AMA spokesperson explained, "The
technology will allow us to keep better track of who we've killed," and emphasized that so many patients are now killed by AMA-supported medical procedures that it's becoming difficult to keep the bodies organized. "Thanks to technology, we will soon be able to track patients regardless of whether they've alive or dead," said the spokesperson. "It's all part of our commitment to the best health care system in the world!"
If the RFID tags don't work, U.S. health authorities have announced plans to simply barcode everyone instead. Talks are under way with Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to corral Americans into "barcode camps" as a way to fight terrorism and defend freedom.
FDA discredits tomatoes
Surprise! The FDA has announced a new
research finding they claim proves that
lycopene is a useless nutrient for preventing prostate cancer. This is on top of the "serious" scientific research undertaken by the agency proving that vitamin E will kill you, that
herbs are dangerous to everyone and that human beings are actually made of tiny medication capsules that need to be replenished from time to time.
It's interesting that the more money the FDA takes from drug
companies, the more frequent the pronouncements that herbs, foods and nutritional supplements are dangerous for human health. Patented pharmaceuticals, meanwhile, are safe enough to prescribe to
infants, the agency claims. What a coincidence that the drug companies only developed synthetic chemicals that happen to be completely safe for human consumption!
Hearing
the FDA claim it is engaged in nutritional
science is sort of like listening to Philip Morris announce its latest findings on the safety of secondhand smoke. It just strains the limits of all credibility... and yet many doctors swallow the whole thing hook, line and sinker! There's hardly a prescribing M.D. practicing today who hasn't been hoodwinked by FDA pseudoscientific babble when it comes to health and
nutrition.
Of, course, medicine has no monopoly on bad science in the U.S. these days. The
Bush Administration has practically outlawed science and recently announced a new policy requiring that all scientific papers be personally reviewed by President Bush himself. From now on, only those papers receiving gold star happy face stickers will be allowed to be published in scientific journals. Watch for exciting upcoming topics like "Why sewage runs downhill" and "1001 new uses for oil."
What censorship?
Speaking of outstanding science, a White House spokesperson today said the Bush Administration has never forced former Surgeon Generals to censor their speeches or scientific conclusions, except for requiring that they avoid talking about same-sex couples, stem cells, secondhand smoke, emergency contraception or anything involving climate change. Surgeon Generals were also required to repeat the phrase, "Bush is King" at least three times in every speech.
Salmonella for ya, Aaarrrr!
Salmonella contamination was recently found in
Veggie Booty snacks. For clarification,
Veggie Booty does not mean the rear end of a vegetarian, and the fact that it's contaminated does not mean "there's too much junk in that trunk" as a popular hip hop song claims. It only means that
Veggie Booty's manufacturer, a company called Robert's American Gourmet Foods, Inc., has been getting a little too lax with the kitchen critter policy and a little too zany with their product names, which also include "Pirate's Booty" (are they serious?) and "Zen Popcorn" (who can relax with all that crunching going on, anyway?).
The
salmonella outbreak, it turns out, is primarily hitting infants under three years old, which brings to mind the most important question of this health roundup:
Which idiot parents are feeding Veggie Booty to their two-year-old infants anyway? Such parents should be punished by making them walk the plank.
About the author: Mike Adams is a natural health researcher, author and award-winning journalist with a passion for sharing empowering information to help improve personal and planetary health He has authored more than 1,800 articles and dozens of reports, guides and interviews on natural health topics, impacting the lives of millions of readers around the world who are experiencing phenomenal health benefits from reading his articles. Adams is a trusted, independent journalist who receives no money or promotional fees whatsoever to write about other companies' products. In 2010, Adams created NaturalNews.TV, a natural living video sharing site featuring thousands of user videos on foods, fitness, green living and more. He also founded an environmentally-friendly online retailer called BetterLifeGoods.com that uses retail profits to help support consumer advocacy programs. He's also a noted technology pioneer and founded a software company in 1993 that developed the HTML email newsletter software currently powering the NaturalNews subscriptions. Adams is currently the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a 501(c)3 non-profit, and enjoys outdoor activities, nature photography, Pilates and martial arts training. Known by his callsign, the 'Health Ranger,' Adams posts his missions statements, health statistics and health photos at www.HealthRanger.org
Have comments on this article? Post them here:
people have commented on this article.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Email this article to a friend
Share this article on: 
Now Available from 
