Marijuana under attack for causing memory problems, say forgetful drug researchers (satire)

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Medical researchers are once again warning about the long-term memory effects of smoking marijuana. Toking on the herb for decades apparently makes your memory, well, dopey. That is, if you believe the study which was based on 40 people found in a drug rehabilitation program who said they only smoked marijuana about 20 times in their entire life.

Right. I've never heard of anyone checking into a rehab center after smoking pot only 20 times. And besides, if pot destroys a person's memory as researchers claim it does, how do they know these people haven't smoked pot a thousand times and just can't remember?

Let's face it: Basing research on the personal memories of people who scientists claim have had their memories destroyed is not exactly good science. It sounds more like an agenda that uses science to support the War on Drugs and the continued incarceration of thousands of Americans whose only crime is getting high in the basement of their parents' house.

I'm no supporter of marijuana or any recreational drug, but if using marijuana to feel better is a crime, then why isn't the same standard applied to prescription drugs? If you think marijuana destroys your memory, you should try statin drugs sometime. They can destroy a person's normal brain function in mere months, leaving them in a drug-induced stupor that makes potheads look downright clever.

Or how about the sleeping drug, Ambien, that's causing people to engage in "sleep driving" (sleep walking while driving a car), where they cause major traffic accidents. Here's a paragraph of news about the effects of this drug:

Although medical experts, law enforcement agencies, and individual patients have known for some time that the blockbuster sleep medication Ambien has been responsible for the rather bizarre phenomenon referred to as "Ambien sleepwalking," it was just this week that a federal class action was filed in the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York to try to do something about it. For some time now, a significant number of people taking Ambien (zolbidem) have found themselves in a virtual "Twilight Zone" allegedly caused by the drug. A small case study of the unusual effects of the drug on six drivers has caused quite a stir among healthcare professionals and people who use the drug to help them sleep. According to Liddicoat, drivers under the influence of unusually high doses of Ambien have crashed their cars and then had absolutely no memory of the accident. The sleeping pill apparently continued to impair drivers even after they have attempted to sleep off the effects. - From NewsInferno.com

Even though Ambien is clearly far more dangerous than marijuana, you don't see people being arrested for taking Ambien. You don't see our prisons packed top to bottom with people who possessed Ambien. And you don't see doctors -- who sold the drug to patients -- charged with dealing drugs.

That's because when it comes to dangerous drugs, there's a clear double standard: All prescription drugs, no matter how dangerous to individual health or public safety, shall remain legal. All drugs that are not controlled by Big Pharma, on the other hand, shall be made illegal.

And that's how the system works. Again, I'm not supporting marijuana. You probably already know that I use absolutely no drugs, not even the psychoactive drug used by 53% of Americans (caffeine). But when I see loony, pseudoscientific attacks on marijuana that demonstrate a clear double standard in our national drug policy, I simply have to point it out. In my view, we should be arresting and locking up the Big Pharma executives and corrupt FDA officials who continue to push dangerous drugs that KILL 100,000 Americans each year. If you really want to protect the public from dangerous drugs, start arresting and prosecuting the truly dangerous drug dealers -- the ones operating under the FDA protection racket.

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