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I have recently learned that the National Uniformity for Food Act (HR 4167) is not what you think. A Washington insider has faxed me documents showing the original wording of the bill, and its original name: the Uniform Food Ignorance Act. This name was apparently changed to make the bill sound more appealing.

In the original Uniform Food Ignorance Act, I found several disturbing passages that I feel obligated to share with you here. You will be absolutely shocked to read these words that reflect the original intent of the bill. Here's what I found...

1.3.1 Ignorance is safety

4.2.2 Education is dangerous

Providing information to consumers about the so-called "dangers" of certain chemicals or heavy metals, without the full scientific context by which such conclusions were reached, will only serve to confuse consumers and may in fact compromise their ability to make healthful grocery shopping decisions. The outlawing of such confusing warnings will make food shopping simpler, more reliable and safer for all.

6.5.2 Voluntary labeling by food companies

12.3.9 The revocation of States' rights

With the passage of this Food Ignorance Act, the Tenth Amendment of the Bill of Rights shall also be deemed null and void.

16.4.4 Homeland security

Any attempt to interfere with the timely production, distribution or sales of processed food products shall hence forth by deemed an act of terrorism, and any individuals or state government agencies (such as state Departments of Agriculture) responsible for such acts of terrorism shall be "processed" at the Guantanamo Bay detection center, where they shall be force-fed Oreo cookies until they either confess to their crimes or die from chronic diarrhea. As we will use cookies, not weapons, this shall not be considered torture, but rather shall be described as the "Guantanamo Bay school lunch program."

22.7.6 The Darth Vader clause

Remember:

• Ignorance is safety.
• Education is dangerous.
• Tyranny is unity.

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