Health roundup: Constipation drugs, California cons, and Acupuncture points (satire)

Thursday, February 02, 2006
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of (See all articles...)
Tags: constipation, health news, Natural News

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The FDA has finally approved a drug for treating chronic constipation. The agency strained over the decision for quite some time before finally unleashing it upon the American public. The real breakthrough? It finally occurred to one FDA bureaucrat that the new anti-obesity drug, Alli (Orlistat) caused so much diarrhea and involuntary anal discharge that it doubled as an anti-constipation drug.

So now it's a two-fer: Take Alli and you can lose weight at the same time you solve your constipation problems. Just be sure to have a few extra pairs of underwear on hand in case the small-print side effects turn out to be true. Or else your dog won't be the only thing your friends call "Spot."

California suckered yet again

California is suing the federal government over its bungled Medicare prescription drug benefit plan, which has left so many senior citizens without prescription drugs for so long that they're actually starting to regain some mental clarity and realize what's going on. That, of course, is unacceptable.

The disastrous federal drug "benefit" program (actually, a giant Bush handout to Big Pharma at taxpayers' expense) has already cost California $150 million in emergency prescription drug funds, which is not nearly as much as Enron cost California during the fabricated energy shortage crisis a few years ago, but is almost as curious.

I keep wondering how long Californians will put up with the profiteering scams engineered by the White House (Enron's top guys were all Bush buddies, too), but apparently the state's appetite for being scammed by Washington is not yet satiated. Has anybody else realized that California would be a whole lot wealthier if the state declared its sovereignty and ran its own economy without federal meddling? California is a huge exporter of dollars to Washington, and all it gets in return is rhetoric and frustration.

Californians, of course, can walk right across the Mexico border and buy the same prescriptions for a fraction of the price, but for some reason, Californians keep waiting around for the U.S. government to "save" them money and solve the problem. This exercise is tantamount to spending a couple of days staring at a dead tortoise, hoping it will spontaneously leap to its feet and perform the cha cha.

Conventional doctors (sort of) adopt acupuncture

Use of acupuncture by mainstream doctors has doubled in the last year across the United States. Doctors, who originally shunned acupuncture as something far worse than being hounded by rabid pharmaceutical reps, are coming to realize the treatment actually works.

Naturally, they're still limiting its application to minor conditions like treating pain following surgery, or reducing nausea after chemotherapy, saving the BIG diseases for those heroic, high-profit procedures like heart bypass surgery and chemotherapy. That's how organized medicine marginalizes the wisdom of five thousand years of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

The only reason modern doctors even tolerate acupuncture is because, as one MD recently told me, "At least we get to puncture patients with something." To my great amusement, he also thinks the phrase "acupuncture points" refers to a scoring system whereby doctors compete with each other to see how many needles they can stick in a patient in a single, timed fifteen minute race. (Every needle earns another $25 reimbursement from Medicare, apparently.)

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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is the founding editor of, the internet's No. 1 natural health news website, now reaching 7 million unique readers a month.

In late 2013, Adams launched the Natural News Forensic Food Lab, where he conducts atomic spectroscopy research into food contaminants using high-end ICP-MS instrumentation. With this research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products to low levels by July 1, 2015.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power, a massive research resource now featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released ten popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at

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