Home | About NaturalNews | Contact Us | Write for NaturalNews | Media Info | Advertise with Natural News
chickens

Health news roundup: Kraft shrinks, drugs in the drinking water, and obese chickens (satire)

Tuesday, January 31, 2006
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)




Share
Give yourself a round of applause. We're winning the war against junk food manufacturers! Kraft Foods, a company that I would categorize as the largest junk food / processed food manufacturer in the world (also owned by a tobacco company, by the way) has just announced it's slashing jobs and closing manufacturing plants. A whopping 8,000 jobs, to be exact.

That's good news for the health of Americans, because it means fewer factories are churning out disease-promoting junk foods. Overeducated, misguided economists would argue with that, screaming about the loss of jobs. But what good is a job if the resulting product worsens the quality of life of consumers? We could boost the national economy, I suppose, by hiring people to throw dirt in the air, but it doesn't make anyone richer or more abundant. It's not the jobs that matter, but what the jobs are producing. And Kraft Foods, apparently, missed the boat on rolling out healthy foods. Trans fat free Oreo cookies don't count.

I have a recovery plan for Kraft that doesn't even require a million dollar fee to fast-talking business consultants: try making foods that don't shorten the lifespan of your customers and you might discover a more reliable revenue stream.

Water with a twist of Prozac

As reported in the LA Times, Los Angeles County has suddenly discovered what I've been warning about for years: their drinking water is contaminated with prescription drugs. Gee, didn't anybody think about where all these synthetic chemicals end up after they leave the bodies of patients?

Apparently they end up right back in the water supply. They also end up in the streams (where fish born with two sets of reproductive organs are now enjoying the happy benefits of Prozac), rivers (where nothing is left alive anyway, thanks to industrial pollution) and oceans (the last great pollution frontier for mankind).

As it turns out, these pharmaceuticals also end up in the biosolids (a nice way to say "human feces") that gets repurposed as "organic" fertilizer on our nation's crops. Now, I'm not sure that corn actually needs Viagra to grow, but it's sure getting a dose. You see, thanks to Big Pharma's sinister success in convincing 50% of Americans that they are chemically deficient (a crazy notion that no sane American would have believed a generation ago), we now have half the nation gobbling overpriced, over-hyped and over-prescribed medications, then flushing them down the toilet. Flushing to where? Most Americans don't seem to have a clue about the answer.

The result is pharmaceutical pollution on a global scale. And as long as Big Pharma keeps pumping out these dangerous chemicals, they're going to end up in the global ecosystem where the cumulative effect of thousands of drugs is entirely unknown. As scientists have admitted, nobody really knows what happens when biological organisms are exposed to micro doses of a thousand different drugs. But whatever happens, I'm sure it's not so horrifying that the FDA wouldn't approve it.

In fact, if this trend continues, you may not need to visit the pharmacy at all: Just drink the water! You'll get a dose of antidepressants, antibiotics and arthritis drugs with every smooth sip! And if that thought makes you shudder, don't sweat it, there are also anti-convulsants in the water. Perhaps this is what allows Los Angeles residents to handle the traffic there.

I just wonder, with all the drugs in the water, will you soon need a prescription to drink it? Will drug companies charge royalties for drinking the water? Will Bush take credit for it and explain this was his plan all along to provide "free drugs" to voters?

It's endlessly amusing to me to watch the western world stumble like a drunken sailor into these eye-opening realizations that should have been obvious from the beginning: "You mean synthetic chemicals are dangerous to the environment?" Of course not. And we should all eat pancakes scraped off teflon pans with metal spatulas. And don't forget to drink your fluoride, too, while you're at it.

Viruses linked to obesity?

Americans may have found yet another way to blame something else for their own poor decisions: Research published in the American Journal of Physiology explains that scientist with way too much time on their hands (who probably applied for this funding as a college prank) injected chickens with adenoviruses to see what might happen.

Unfortunately, the chickens didn't explode, so the Dept. of Homeland Security cut off all funding. (What good are chickens if they can't be used to bomb foreign nations in the name of national defense?) However, the scientists did discover that the chickens stored more body fat than usual.

From that experiment, the ever-bewildered U.S. media declared that viruses are to blame for obesity in humans! What a relief! It no longer has anything to do with the fact that TV-hypnotized Americans don't exercise, or that they gobble up sugars, soft drinks and fried foods at a pace that would make a pack of famished chickens blush (right through the feathers, no less).

Listen up, Americans: Obesity is no longer your fault! Researchers said so. And there are a couple of plump chickens staggering around a Virginia laboratory to prove it. Oh yeah, and some national newspapers reported it, so it must be true.

You gotta love this country. I'm not certain the journalists who leap to these conclusions are any smarter than the chickens, but I'm willing to bet most of them are fatter. Were they also injected with adenoviruses? Do they think the obesity epidemic in this country is the fault of a couple of needle-toting lab researchers who have been sleuthing across the country, jabbing skinny people in their sleep and transforming them into overnight diabetics?

For those of you paying attention to the way the world really works, you've probably already figured out the scam behind this virus explanation for obesity. It goes like this: If obesity is caused by a virus, then drug companies can invent a vaccine for obesity!

Ah, you knew that one was coming, didn't ya? There's a vaccine for everything, apparently, but there is no cure for just plain stupidity. There is, however, plenty of entertainment to go 'round. The drug companies, the researchers, the journalists and the chickens are all racing each other to the world record for low IQ scores. And the chickens are losing that race.

Get breaking health news + a LIFETIME 7% discount on everything at the NaturalNews Store
Join two million monthly readers. Email privacy 100% protected. Unsubscribe at any time.

Articles Related to This Article:

How to raise chickens in the city

Organic chickens are genetically different from conventional chickens

GM chicken - Scientists create flu-resistant chickens that may end up on your dinner table

Authenticity grows from the ground up at NaturalNews - here's what I harvested from my garden and my free-range chickens

Bird flu timeline: A history of influenza from 412 BC – AD 2006

Timeline: World History of Viral Pandemics: 412BC to 2009

Related video from NaturalNews.TV


Your NaturalNews.TV video could be here.
Upload your own videos at NaturalNews.TV (FREE)



About the author: Mike Adams is an award-winning journalist and holistic nutritionist with a passion for sharing empowering information to help improve personal and planetary health He has authored more than 1,800 articles and dozens of reports, guides and interviews on natural health topics, impacting the lives of millions of readers around the world who are experiencing phenomenal health benefits from reading his articles. Adams is an honest, independent journalist and accepts no money or commissions on the third-party products he writes about or the companies he promotes. In 2010, Adams created NaturalNews.TV, a natural living video sharing site featuring thousands of user videos on foods, fitness, green living and more. He also launched an online retailer of environmentally-friendly products (BetterLifeGoods.com) and uses a portion of its profits to help fund non-profit endeavors. He's also the CEO of a highly successful email newsletter software company that develops software used to send permission email campaigns to subscribers. Adams is currently the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a 501(c)3 non-profit, and pursues hobbies such as martial arts, Capoeira, nature macrophotography and organic gardening.

Have comments on this article? Post them here:

 people have commented on this article.

Related Articles:

How to raise chickens in the city

Organic chickens are genetically different from conventional chickens

GM chicken - Scientists create flu-resistant chickens that may end up on your dinner table

Authenticity grows from the ground up at NaturalNews - here's what I harvested from my garden and my free-range chickens

Bird flu timeline: A history of influenza from 412 BC – AD 2006

Timeline: World History of Viral Pandemics: 412BC to 2009

Take Action: Support NaturalNews.com

Email this article to a friend

Share this article on: NewsVine | digg | del.icio.us

Permalink to this article:

Reprinting this article: Non-commercial use OK, cite NaturalNews.com with clickable link.

Embed article link: (copy HTML code below):
Most Popular
Today | Week | Month | Year

See all Top Headlines...


GET YOUR FREE GIFT + SHOW DETAILS.


Now Available from NaturalNews.TV

Across the Web

More News...

Also on NaturalNews:

Health Ranger Videos
Activist music
CounterThink Cartoons
Food documentaries
FREE Special Reports
Podcasts
Advertise with NaturalNews...

Support NaturalNews Sponsors:
Advertise with NaturalNews...

Most Popular Stories

Collecting rainwater now illegal in many states as Big Government claims ownership over our water Share
FDA finally admits chicken meat contains cancer-causing arsenic (but keep eating it, yo!) Share
Senate Bill S 510 Food Safety Modernization Act vote imminent: Would outlaw gardening and saving seeds Share
Anti-foaming agent found in Chicken McNuggets Share
Court rules organic farmers can sue conventional, GMO farmers whose pesticides 'trespass' and contaminate their fields Share
R.I.P. Bill of Rights 1789 - 2011 Share
Why McDonald's Happy Meal hamburgers won't decompose - the real story behind the story Share
Federal agents raid Mormon food storage facility, demand list of customers storing emergency food Share
H1N1 vaccine linked to 700 percent increase in miscarriages Share
14 signs that the collapse of our modern world has already begun Share
Artificial Sweetener Disease; a new breed of sickness Share
Forensic evidence emerges that European e.coli superbug was bioengineered to produce human fatalities Share
The NaturalNews Store

Huge discounts on supplements, raw foods, botanicals and healthly personal care products. Save up to 50%! Click here to see the current sale items

Health Ranger Storable Organics

GMO-free, chemical-free foods and superfoods for long-term storage and preparedness. Bulk pricing! Shipping immediately. See selection at www.StorableOrganics.com

25 Amazing Facts About Food

This FREE downloadable report unveils a collection of astonishing and little-known facts about the food we eat very day. Click here to read it now...

 

Resveratrol and its Effects on Human Health and Longevity - Myth or Miracle.

Unlock the secrets of cellular health with the "miracle" nutrient Resveratrol Click here to read it now...

 

Nutrition Can Save America

FREE online report shows how we can save America through a nutrition health care revolution. "Eating healthy is patriotic!" Click here to read it now...

The Healing Power of Sunlight and Vitamin D

In this exclusive interview, Dr. Michael Holick reveals fascinating facts on how vitamin D is created and used in the human body to ward off chronic diseases like cancer, osteoporosis, mental disorders and more. Click here to read it now...

Vaccines: Get the Full Story

The International Medical Council on Vaccination has released, exclusively through NaturalNews.com, a groundbreaking document containing the signatures of physicians, brain surgeons and professors, all of which have signed on to a document stating that vaccines pose a significant risk of harm to the health of children. Click here to read it now...



This site is part of the Natural News Network © 2011 All Rights Reserved. Privacy | Terms All content posted on this site is commentary or opinion and is protected under Free Speech. Truth Publishing International, LTD. is not responsible for content written by contributing authors. The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Truth Publishing assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms and those published here. All trademarks, registered trademarks and servicemarks mentioned on this site are the property of their respective owners.