Under new laws declared by the Bush Administration, Big Pharma will begin funding public education, but schoolchildren will now be required to recite an UPDATED Pledge of Allegiance.
For those who may have forgotten, here's the ORIGINAL Pledge:
I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.
The NEW Pledge of Allegiance, authored by drug company researchers, shall be recited as follows:
THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO OUR MEDICATION NATION
I pledge allegiance to the drugs
of the United States of America
And to the pharmaceutical
My doctor demands
One medication
Under FDA
Uninsured
With Viagra and Prozac for all.
A spokesperson for ConPfuzer, a leading drug company, explained the reason for the changes: "Children need Prozac. All we're doing is reminding them to take their medically-justified medications each morning as they begin their schoolday. It's a genuine public service!"
Big Pharma's hope, said the spokesperson, is to, "Boost mental focus, improve grades, and provide funding to enhance our nation's schools. We care about children. After all, they're our future customers."
Children who refuse to cite the new, nationally-recognized Pledge will be tested for mental disorders by drug-toting psychiatrists who are standing by, waiting for something to happen that gives their meaningless lives some purpose.
"Many mentally disturbed children are not receiving treatment," grinned one psychiatrist, frantically thumbing through the DSM-IV manual. "It is our responsibility to treat them all. You're not against helping children, are you?"
A Bush Administration spokesperson, also present at the announcement, said, "Since Bin Laden is attacking, we should drug all the children. You're not a terrorist, are you?"
The new Pledge of Allegiance, we've also learned, has been copyrighted by ConPfuzer, which will charge schoolchildren their lunch money as a royalty payment for reciting the Pledge each day. "We must teach schoolchildren to respect intellectual property at an early age," said a ConPfuzer statement. "Otherwise, they might grow up and commit more serious crimes like sharing music."
It's too late to actually stop the new Pledge from becoming law. President Bush, citing anti-terrorism powers, explained, "Laws are whatever I say they are." Although, interestingly, he could not spell "allegiance" during the signing of the law (although he had no problem with "of").
Here's some REAL information about the Pledge of Allegiance:
The history of the Pledge:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
Keep the Pledge effort (with a conservative angle):
http://www.keepthepledge.com
About the author: Mike Adams is a consumer health advocate and award-winning journalist with a mission to teach personal and planetary health to the public He has authored and published thousands of articles, interviews, consumers guides, and books on topics like health and the environment, reaching millions of readers with information that is saving lives and improving personal health around the world. Adams is an honest, independent journalist and accepts no money or commissions on the third-party products he writes about or the companies he promotes. In mid 2010, Adams produced NaturalNews.TV, a natural health video sharing website offering user-generated videos on nutrition, green living, fitness and more. He also launched an online retailer of environmentally-friendly products (BetterLifeGoods.com) and uses a portion of its profits to help fund non-profit endeavors. He's also the founder and CEO of a well known email mail merge software developer whose software, 'Email Marketing Director,' currently runs the NaturalNews email subscriptions. Adams is currently the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a 501(c)3 non-profit, and pursues hobbies such as martial arts, Capoeira, nature macrophotography and organic gardening. Known by his callsign, the 'Health Ranger,' Adams posts his missions statements, health statistics and health photos at www.HealthRanger.org
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
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