Saturday, August 13, 2005by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...) Tags: the FDA, Food and Drug Administration, counterthink |
Career opportunities abound at the FDA, and it's easy to succeed with this job since the mainstream press will print practically anything you say, regardless of whether it makes any scientific sense, as long as it's on official FDA letterhead. Starting salary: $75,000 plus a license to kill any idea (or health business) you don't like.
A variety of high-tech tools will be at your disposal. You'll have direct phone lines to all the medical journals, a team of paralegals to generate legal threats, and you'll even have your own personal shredder right beside the incoming fax machines where doctors fax voluntary drug side effects reports. Help us keep dangerous drugs on the market for as long as possible, and you'll earn big performance bonuses!
Starting salary is $35,000 from the FDA, plus a $250,000 annual bonus paid by various drug companies, based on merit.
No scientific or medical knowledge required, since you don't really need to understand the reasons why you're conducting armed raids. Just follow management's orders, and we'll hand you a gun and a badge, all in the name of protecting the public from the criminals of alternative medicine.
Starting salary is $65,000 plus all the free Prozac you can swallow. (Antidepressant side effects are a plus in your line of work.)
There is no starting salary, but you do get a percentage of the kickbacks you manage. Criminal background preferred, mob ties are a plus.
To enforce proper morale among FDA employees, especially those involved in drug safety operations, you will be granted insider access to top-secret FDA technologies currently under development, including our "Graham buster" verbal silencer (patents pending) and a building-wide subliminal program broadcast system. "All profitable drugs are safe... All profitable drugs are safe..."
Salary: $85,000 plus free unlimited cable television.
As you may know, the free market sales of prescription drugs from Canada threatens the FDA-controlled monopoly market for drugs in the U.S. We need help to discredit Canada so that gullible U.S. consumers will distrust Canadian pharmacies and keeping shelling out their hard-earned cash at overpriced U.S. pharmacies (which we regulate and control, of course).
We already have a few old tricks to assist you in this job, like claiming that terrorists will poison all the drugs in Canada. You will have to come up with other strategies like claiming that Canadian pharmacies have no quality control, unlike U.S. pharmacies where pharmacists never, ever make mistakes.
Salary: $45,000 plus unlimited free drugs from Canada.
No experience necessary, in anything. No education required. Starting salary is minimum wage. You must bring your own desk to work, if you want one. That is, if you actually want to work at all.
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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.
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