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Modern medicine

FDA Approves New Drug for Treatment of Brown's Grass Disease (satire)

Sunday, September 26, 2004
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com (See all articles...)
Tags: modern medicine, pharmaceutical industry, disease prevention


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Satire: Researchers from Southern Duke University have discovered a new treatment for Brown's Grass Disease, which is a disease characterized by grass turning brown. This disease is most prevalent in the southern climates where rainfall is diminished. The new treatment has been championed by a pharmaceutical company which has issued a new yard drug called Pigment Max. The drug Pigment Max has been tested on over 1,000 batches of grass that were suffering from Brown's Grass Disease and was found to reverse the symptoms of the disease, making the grass appear green.

Dr. Rick Johnson from Southern Duke University led the research and said, "We've discovered that Brown's Grass Disease is caused by a change in the chemical pigmentation of the blades of grass found in the lawns. This pigmentation is clearly a chemical balance that must be corrected with the appropriate pharmaceuticals, and Pigment Max has been found to be the perfect pharmaceutical for treating Brown's Grass Disease."

Samples of Pigment Max are now being distributed by its maker to lawn doctors around the country, who will soon be prescribing Pigment Max to homeowners in large quantities. Pigment Max can be safely spread on lawns and even introduced into the water supply, so that lawns are automatically dosed with Pigment Max in order to prevent Brown's Grass Disease. Many lawn doctors have signed up to promote the new drug, Pigment Max, even going so far as to state that they plan to use Pigment Max on their own lawns for as long as they live.

Doctors are clearly convinced of the value of Pigment Max: "The scientific studies show a direct link between chemical imbalances and loss of green pigmentation in grass," said one sponsoring doctor, "And Pigment Max is the only drug I know of that can correct this imbalance."

While sales of Pigment Max are expected to reach $2.2 billion over the next 5 years due to a massive wave of popularity about the promising drug, not everyone agrees that Pigment Max is needed. One noted lawn nutritionist has pointed out that these lawns simply need water, not drugs, and if given water they would turn green all by themselves. The nutritionist has been pronounced a "quack" by the community of lawn doctors, and the FDA has threatened to pursue criminal charges against the nutritionist for practicing medicine without a license by recommending the use of water as a medical treatment. In his own defense, the nutritionist stated, "It seems quite clear that these brown lawns are simply suffering from dehydration. It is well known throughout the world that simply watering the lawns will make them appear green, thereby reversing Brown's Grass Disease."

In rebuttal, Dr. David Goodman, who is also featured in promotional literature distributed by the maker of Pigment Max, stated, "There is absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever that water or any other alternative therapy can treat Brown's Grass Disease. This disease is a clinical chemical imbalance, and the scientific evidence clearly shows that Pigment Max is the only effective treatment for reversing Brown's Grass Disease. It is also the only treatment that has been approved by the FDA."

In related news, Walgreen's stores have stated they will start carrying Pigment Max and promoting it to homeowners and commercial accounts. They expect Pigment Max to be a best-seller in the years ahead, perhaps equaling the sales revenue generated from antidepressant drugs.


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About the author:Mike Adams (aka the "Health Ranger") is a best selling author (#1 best selling science book on Amazon.com) and a globally recognized scientific researcher in clean foods. He serves as the founding editor of NaturalNews.com and the lab science director of an internationally accredited (ISO 17025) analytical laboratory known as CWC Labs. There, he was awarded a Certificate of Excellence for achieving extremely high accuracy in the analysis of toxic elements in unknown water samples using ICP-MS instrumentation. Adams is also highly proficient in running liquid chromatography, ion chromatography and mass spectrometry time-of-flight analytical instrumentation.

Adams is a person of color whose ancestors include Africans and Native American Indians. He's also of Native American heritage, which he credits as inspiring his "Health Ranger" passion for protecting life and nature against the destruction caused by chemicals, heavy metals and other forms of pollution.

Adams is the founder and publisher of the open source science journal Natural Science Journal, the author of numerous peer-reviewed science papers published by the journal, and the author of the world's first book that published ICP-MS heavy metals analysis results for foods, dietary supplements, pet food, spices and fast food. The book is entitled Food Forensics and is published by BenBella Books.

In his laboratory research, Adams has made numerous food safety breakthroughs such as revealing rice protein products imported from Asia to be contaminated with toxic heavy metals like lead, cadmium and tungsten. Adams was the first food science researcher to document high levels of tungsten in superfoods. He also discovered over 11 ppm lead in imported mangosteen powder, and led an industry-wide voluntary agreement to limit heavy metals in rice protein products.

In addition to his lab work, Adams is also the (non-paid) executive director of the non-profit Consumer Wellness Center (CWC), an organization that redirects 100% of its donations receipts to grant programs that teach children and women how to grow their own food or vastly improve their nutrition. Through the non-profit CWC, Adams also launched Nutrition Rescue, a program that donates essential vitamins to people in need. Click here to see some of the CWC success stories.

With a background in science and software technology, Adams is the original founder of the email newsletter technology company known as Arial Software. Using his technical experience combined with his love for natural health, Adams developed and deployed the content management system currently driving NaturalNews.com. He also engineered the high-level statistical algorithms that power SCIENCE.naturalnews.com, a massive research resource featuring over 10 million scientific studies.

Adams is well known for his incredibly popular consumer activism video blowing the lid on fake blueberries used throughout the food supply. He has also exposed "strange fibers" found in Chicken McNuggets, fake academic credentials of so-called health "gurus," dangerous "detox" products imported as battery acid and sold for oral consumption, fake acai berry scams, the California raw milk raids, the vaccine research fraud revealed by industry whistleblowers and many other topics.

Adams has also helped defend the rights of home gardeners and protect the medical freedom rights of parents. Adams is widely recognized to have made a remarkable global impact on issues like GMOs, vaccines, nutrition therapies, human consciousness.

In addition to his activism, Adams is an accomplished musician who has released over a dozen popular songs covering a variety of activism topics.

Click here to read a more detailed bio on Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, at HealthRanger.com.

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